I realize that each of you are right. I won't report her - honestly I'm not sure I have it in me to ruin her career due to the kids. If we didn't have kids I'd cut my losses and sink her the fullest I can. Unfortunately, due to her mental condition, I'm not sure anything other than a "death knell" will get her to realize anything - in other words, I feel it's going to take a great loss open her eyes. And divorce isn't going to deliver that kind of blow. Remember that due to her past she is at her best running from problems. After all, she is famous for leaving relationships when changing duty stations.
Also I realize how easily she is led - especially by her sister. Remember that those two went through that hell of an abuse together. her sister defines the word narcissist. And, the sister was against us from the beginning. She controls my W like no other - when my W had a miscarriage she hadn't told anyone for a week or so but me, then one of our friends asked on FB about the pregnancy - I responded after getting her ok. Anyway, the sister catches wind and calls screaming at my W about how dare she not tell her first. And then there was the time the SIL told my W that their relationship means nothing - only because my W stood up to her once. Now they are best buds - going to concerts and all that shite... Oh, the SIL is also in the process of getting a divorce. Imagine that.
There are little murmurs starting about those two having a plan for the kids - and the influence is beginning to show. If that keeps up, I fear the nuclear option may be the only way to go.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
