That's where I'm at DDJ, everything that I did for her because she didn't want to do it is being thrown at me. She wants to stand on her own 2 feet, wants to be more independent, her work permit is attached to me because I'm an EU citizen and while she used to be happy about that because it gave her more security here, even that's been used against me. Yet this 'friend' is there all the time now helping her out. She doesn't do things by herself. I heard her tell a friend at the beginning of the year how independent she was by opening her own bank account.
She accuses me of being controlling when she would not go look for a yoga class by herself, kept talking about I don't one but never did. She says now that she wanted be part of all the paperwork for the house we were building yet never did. When I asked for help with it, vary occasionally did I get it, most of the time I was too demanding. Help from her was there when it was offered, but generally when I asked for it, it wasn't. I'll admit that I wasn't the best version of myself the last couple of years building this house but I did think I had a partner that was there to support, guess I was wrong.
When she was still in the house, she even asked me to show her how to reset the router, how to unplug it and re-plug it... I offered her the paperwork for the house to look after the last month she was here and she did 1 bill that I sat and went through with her. Nothing else. Some friends have told me that she was the depended on me, she still wants me to fix her phone for her. While in the house, she still wanted me to help her with this, that and the other. Even though she was lying to me and the kids and sneaking off to his place a couple of times.
I know I still have some of my own issues to work out and will do so, don't always have the best of days as I still don't understand. One of my faults is although I forgive, I have trouble forgetting and then things have come back out when something similar happens again. I have always been the good friend type that helps people out even though they have treated me like crap. It's a hard mentally to change and my father is very similar, but I need to work on forgetting negative impacts. This being a big one of course, is a struggle, but I know I can do many things that I say I will. Really proud of myself that in January I decided to run a half marathon, never tried anything like that before, and in 3 months ran one in 2 hrs... I'm being heavily relied upon at work and it's been hard to focus at times but think I'm in line for a very good evaluation even though I've only been doing the job for 3 months officially. I'm not an engineer, my experience is as a technician but I pushed and got this engineering job and am very highly thought of by my new boss.
I guess she feels she can't be happy within the marriage to me, I was a pain in the ass on several occasions last year, yet I can't do everything for everybody. She sees herself as strong for giving up and quitting the marriage to gain her independence, I tried asking her why she couldn't do that within and got no answer.
