We had one of those arguments that just make no sense. I basically asked husband for favor with babysitting. Asked him to keep kids for 3 to 4 extra hours this weekend. He couldn't do it. I got annoyed and it escalated. I just couldn't let it go.
I was annoyed because when I was sick and asked for help, he couldn't. When he was sick and asked for help I did. when he needed me to change schedule I did. He sees kids only 4 days a month. 3 extra hours would not be a big deal. He said he has too much work to do. Then he said he would do it, but I would have to pick them up (extra 40 minutes there and back for me which I wanted to avoid because I will be doing a lot of driving that day). He acted like he did this huge big favor for me by taking this upcoming weekend, but it would have been his weekend anyway if we had not switched earlier weekend for him (I had asked him about it a while ago too)
So I called him on it.
It became a whole thing about how I couldn't compromise and he always had to compromise. That we can't get along.
I know I prooved him right but at time I didn't care.
Then he said that I said "if I had it my way he would never see the kids". This is a lie and I said I never said that. He kept insisting that I did. Then I asked him to tel me the specifics.... He then said I told him "I never want to lose time with them on the weekend". Which I did say.
The two sentences have completely different meanings and he has been hearing and telling everyone I said something completely different. At least he admitted it with me after I questioned it.
Led into relationship talks.
At the end of conversation, I ended up feeling guilty. he is right in that after kids were born, I did put him last. I brought up how he withdrew afterwards and it was too late for me to do anything. He admitted it.
It was a really bad conversation. He was saying how he says blue and I say red and how it is impossible for us to get along. That we had no foundation to build on because our marriage had been so bad for so long.
He is now ready and knows it's not emotionally charged. I said of course it's less emotional. He has slowly detached and withdrew so there would be no emotions.
He is right though. We were always frusturated with each other. Neither of us were able to communicate and work together and I guess we still can't. I would like to blame him, but I guess it's me as well. Am I that incapable of learning.?
This part of conversation really is bothering me right now...
We were both throwing things out there to make each other feel guilty. I reminded him how he wasn't there for me during this really awful part of a miscarriage less then year before BD. (I had to self induce it because fetus heartbeat stopped, but my body didn't know) I called him at work while doing it and i remember how he seemed annoyed because he was busy. Today, He admitted to being annoyed when I had called him at work.
He said it was because I had wished for the miscarriage and he was hurt that I wished for it. Earlier in the pregnancy I did wish for a miscarriage only because I was diagnosed with cancer and was afraid of having to make a choice when fetus was older. When I ended up miscarrying it was devastating to me. Especially since I never needed to undergo treatment. The Surgery was enough and cancer ended up being early stage. I am sickened that i had wished for it.
Right now I am thinking 1. He really was annoyed with me that I called him while he was at work. (At the time I thought he was, but wasn't sure. I remember he was acting like I was being really needy and emotional). 2. The way he threw in to our conversation the reminder that I wished for a miscarriage was pretty cruel and manipulative.
2 hours ago I was feeling pretty guilty and like a failure. I have been crying for a while and unsure why. But now I am thinking that was a (censored) thing to say but was I starting it by playing victim role or entitled to be pissed that he was that withdrawn and selfish at a really bad time. Am I playing a victim card by even telling this story? I am truly not trying to. Just questioning whether I am crazy.
