D17 called me at lunch excited with many ideas that she had and to share some plans that she was excited to embark on with my help. She talked on for 10 minutes. She then stopped and said, "Dad, what's wrong?" I replied that nothing was wrong and that I was doing alright. She told that she knew that was not true. I then told her I am hanging in there and just taking it one moment at a time. She asked if I was having anxiety attacks again. I responded that I was managing them and not to worry. She then got real quiet, and I asked her some questions about the stuff she was talking about. She shared some more and told me to have a good day and hang in there.
D17 came home from school and seemed very down. I asked her how her day was. She responded that it was a tough day. We had planned to go jogging as I was unable to in the morning due to my difficulties sleeping and anxiety attacks all night.
As we prepared to go I noticed that her eyes were full of tears. As we walked she broke down and talked of her challenges to maintain a positive attitude and that her mind keeps spinning uncontrollably about failing at so many things, her desires to succeed seem impossible, etc. The more she spoke the more I felt like I was looking in a mirror, because I not only understood everything she was saying and feeling, it was the same loop that my mind has been trapped in these past 2 months.
She broke down so much that I sat with her in the middle of a sidewalk and just listened as she let it all out. It was rough to watch, and I asked her if she would be willing to talk with someone like a counselor or our bishop at church. She said no, that would not help her. She said she felt broken, because she could not seem to accomplish what she wants and that she cannot seem to stay out of the dark places her mind keeps wandering to. I told her we can do it and I believe in her and I will work to get her any help that we can so she can feel better.
We got home and she was in better spirits, and told me she would be fine and that she can get a handle on it. Then 10 minutes later she broke down again, and said she did not have a reason, but she could not stop it. I stayed with ear until she calmed down, and then she went to a church thing with her mom.
She returned and said it was fun.
She had a good day today, and she texted me that she would like to see a counselor as that may help her get some balance with the anxiety she is experiencing.
Michelle is so right when she says that divorce has a big impact on the whole family. I will be sure to be aware of what both my daughters are going through and be there to help so they can overcome the challenges this will present.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
