She did say that she feels a lot of guilt about breaking up the home etc, etc. I simply responded - I'm sorry to hear that .
Huh? You are sorry she feels guilt for tearing up the family?
Personally, I hate that particular response that soooo many LBH'S use, simply b/c he thinks it's a "catchall" validation. Well, it's not.
FWIW, if you do not know how to verbalized validation, maybe you should not use some cookie cut example you have borrowed, b/c IMHO, it sounds pretty wacky. And especially if you repeat the same one as your perferred validation phrase.
It would be better to just nod your head that you hear what she is saying. B/c what you said, in that particular response, is basically telling her that you had rather she not have any negative emotions about tearing apart the home. Like, she should feel good about it.
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Are there any strategies on how to manage/respond to her guilt?
Yeah, you can tell her, "This has been hard on all of us"!
Those are her feelings. She has to deal with them. Don't try to manage them. Let her feel them.
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She did say very briefly that she has thought about ways to "keep it all together" but has not come up with anything. I can't remember how I responded - I'm hoping it was neutral if not the right way
To hammer in my previous point, what if you had responded with, "I'm sorry you feel that way". See how contradictive it would sound? That's what I am trying to show you about the words you choose to validate.
I may stand alone on this topic, however, I think there are times you just need to let her talk about her thoughts and feeling......while you just STFU, instead of wanting to jump in with some kind of validation response.......and not knowing what the heck you are really saying! If you are looking at her and listening......that should be sufficient, especially when she's saying things like this, b/c it can become a temp check real easily.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
