Well i won't have to face the insanity that is my new WW. My heart will hurt but my mind will get over it.
And then she gets home tonight, and my WW is missing... The old one is back. I'm not going to get over excited though. Still going to detach, counselling is next week Wednesday. Will need to get a commitment that she does not want to divorce, instead of being unsure. I guess the shock of earning half my salary will trigger thoughts of love :-)
Then we need to rebuild, but I do need her to grovel to have me back. But who knows what tomorrow brings. I still plan to put the house in my name and sell my (our) car so that we can both get one.
I cannot control her, but i need to protect my heart. The next time i hear ILYBINILWY she is out the same day. Sanity is the target.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I responded to your requirement of her groveling on another thread where you mentioned it. As part of rebuilding you don't want that. If she's truly out of the wayward fog and sane again then she's already crushed by guilt and feels horrible about what she did. With that said, words about their remorse are meaningless. Gauge the authenticity of remorse by actions. Wayward's are already proven liars so words don't mean much for a while until some level of trust returns. I don't want to repeat the stuff I said on the other thread but I hope you read it. Be strong.
ok, so we are definitely getting a divorce. Do you want to be divorced? If not, then why are you saying this?
and we will have the DIY one, where we will pay almost nothing. Not only is this controlling, but you dont have the power to even enforce this. She can certainly commission a lawyer without your 'consent'.
That means that we will need to be extremely happy with what we have settled on. Huh?
We are over and I know that my future will still be what i dreamt it would. You will not be in that picture. Again, this is fine to say. But only if you want a divorce."
I know you are equating divorce with an end to this, but I dont think the act of being divorced will change any of your emotions.
Im not trying to give you a hard time. I just feel like youve been only at this a few weeks and that you are going to do or say things that you will come to regret. How can you stop from acting on emotion and act based on logic?
@darknes, it appears that my wife is out of the fog. I don't necessarily want to be divorced, but i don't want to have to deal with the insanity either. She came out of the fog yesterday when i told her that i want the divorce, for the second time...
I don't think that i can act on logic, this is too counter-intuitive for me to cope with.I need to be irrational, it's the only thing that makes sense.
I am trying to bring her back in, but I am scared that if i let her in too soon, she'll just relapse. She did say that she is willing to go for counselling so that we can rebuild.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
@darknes, it appears that my wife is out of the fog. I don't necessarily want to be divorced, but i don't want to have to deal with the insanity either. She came out of the fog yesterday when i told her that i want the divorce, for the second time...
I doubt she is out of the fog, I would not count on that.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I don't think that i can act on logic, this is too counter-intuitive for me to cope with.I need to be irrational, it's the only thing that makes sense.
Actually you are close to being right here, everything is actually very logical in a counter intuitive way. Most people here do not understand the logic.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I am trying to bring her back in, but I am scared that if i let her in too soon, she'll just relapse. She did say that she is willing to go for counselling so that we can rebuild.
Before you agree to anything make sure she is all in on restoring the marriage.
I do agree that divorce will not stop the madness. Nor will it END things. They go on for ever, married or not.
So make sure she's committed to marriage. Make long term plans, and check in on it. Get her to deal with her past and actions through counselling. Respect and love her like I never could before. Anything else?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
My WW is committed to the marriage and does not want me to give up on her and us.
She said that she cannot build the trust again, i need to, but she will be honest with me from now on. I was never an insecure person, but in this first case she made me someone else, i don't like that person and hope to never see him again. I was very lucky that this was just an infatuation and the OP turned her away. I cannot say that i was blessed, because I believe that we are all blessed, we sometimes just cannot see it.
It should be easy to get the R back, and counselling is scheduled every week indefinitely.
She is definitely out of the fog, is thinking clearly and understands that she is a married woman that lost control, and should not have. I need to make sure that i do not "avenge" her, and i will try my best.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
