Is it really possible to remain friends??

[Robbity]

Hi there,
I have been reading these forums for a while but this is the first time I have posted.

I'm very confused by by STBXH. We broke up in August last year. My idea.I felt that we had nothing left after 12 years together and were living like housemates instead of a married couple.
I felt he was very controlling and didn't feel that I could do anything right anymore.I was absolutely at the end.

The actual breakup was all very civilised. He didn't try to talk me out of it and he moved out. I didn't even shed a tear.

When we broke up, we were pretty good financially. I think I must have had a MLC as well as menopuase!

I threw in my job and brought a successful recycled clothing business which I had said I wanted to do - he wouldn't even talk about it.

We sold our house within 3 months. I stayed there until it was sold. Everything was split down the middle and I brought another house. He bought a house himself at Christmas time. We had had minimal contact through all of this but were able to speak to each other.He did say when we broke up that he would like to be friends once the dust settled. I didn't see how this was possible but agreed.

Just before Christmas, (hadn't heard from him for about 6 weeks by this stage) he text me and asked if I had the lawn mower still as he needed it. I had actually given it to a friend as I thought he didn't need it. He was ok with this. He told me he had brought a house and that I should call in at "some stage" to have a look.
He seemed friendly enough so I did just after New Year.

Went and saw his house - it's a bit of a project which he loves. He said he missed going out to dinner sometimes (can't actually remember the last time did that, but however) I said we can do that if he wanted. We went out for dinner - all very nice, easy conversation etc, then he dropped me home.

A week or so later he tells me he doesn't know what's going on with us. Me neither! Since I've had the contact with him again I ask myself if I could have tried harder.Then I remember the grumpy old man I was living with. We were both in tears. I asked if he would go to marriage counselling, he said it's something to think about. I left it in his court.

About a week later he called into my shop and said he can't go to marriage counselling. Not yet anyway.He might be able to go oneday..... But, he would like to stay friends. Why? Is it not better to cut ties? Now I'm all confused as to my feelings for him and one minute I'm up, the next I'm down.

Not sure what to do!

Me: 54
Him: 58
Together 12 years
Married for 8
Second marriage for him - my first.
3 adult children between us. None at home.