I haven't been on here in a while, but I guess I need some help.
My 13-year marriage just ended about two weeks ago. I am a recovering sex/love addict (yes, that's a real thing) and the addiction and my behavior associated with it is the reason behind my divorce. I had a two-month PA, and prior to that an EA with the father of my eldest son. So yes, I've been a dirtbag and I know and take full responsibility for it.
However, after getting diagnosed with my addiction, I wanted to fix myself so I would never do this again. I've been to therapy every week ever since, did at outpatient addiction treatment, and am working the steps while going to weekly meetings. I never wanted to hurt my husband, but of course with sex addiction the spouse is always the one to get hurt and take the addiction personally.
My question is this -- I have been the most needy, depressed, whiny, crazy ex-wife begging for him to not date other people so soon after our divorce. He's been on Match for about 1.5 weeks and we've been officially divorced for 2. He says he can't explain it but he NEEDS to see/date/have sex with other people.
Yesterday things got heated and he told me to completely leave him alone. He says he wants total separation and that he needs space to heal and figure things out. (We've been having sex this entire time and he admits he feels unhealthy and doesn't know if he's doing the right thing by dating so soon) He said he can tell that me waiting for him to figure it out is too much for me emotionally so he said that there is NO CHANCE for us to be together ever. But then I asked him if he meant it, and he couldn't say yes. I'm so f***ing confused. He told me I need to focus on me, and needs to focus on himself and that's it.
So do I just play by Sandi's rules? I know this sitch is different since I am the cheater, but I'm also the one who wants to repair the damage. I just don't know if the rules are even relevant to my situation. HELP?!
