If you have a difficult topic you want to discuss or something you think that's going to trigger her, the best way to approach it is not to spring it on her. In that context you've been thinking about it and she has not, so she will likely react poorly. Try sending her a message in advance or mentioning something in advance. "I'd like to see us split time with the kids more evenly, I'd like to discuss that with you on Thursday after we exchange the kids. Please give it some thought between now and then."
That way she has time to mentally prepare and you're less likely to get tantrums.
The other thing that's a good idea is to have some documented agreements. When you get divorced in the US there are two components to the divorce settlement, a custody agreement and a financial settlement.
In some cases, people will agree on these provisionally even for trial separations. i.e. you might write up a set of agreements about your custody schedule and your finances "for now" so that you both know what the rules will be.
Trying to make the rules "as you go" by confronting things as they arise tends to be more stressful.
It may feel like pushing your W away by bringing up the topic of a separation agreement, but realistically you're just supporting what she wants, which is good validation.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
