New Couple, Same Old Story 2

[Ralph88]

I've had the last few months to think about my issues in the R, and for a long time. After the BD I took all the responsibility and that wasn't healthy. Since that time, I have been working through this process and I can say that I did have some part in the failure of the M.

1. I didn't handle my W emotions/feelings properly as they were her reality. Most of the time I would either try to rescue or fix what I felt was causing her to have the feelings or emotions. At times I would challenge her feelings or discredit them thinking that they were not reality. I now know that I should have empathized, validated or at a minimum acknowledged her feeling and NEVER challenged them. I take responsibility for my actions.
2. I ran from some arguments or discussions. I'm not saying that I ran at the word of an argument. But many times, I felt that I could only handle a fight for 30-60 minutes, then would sometimes shut down. I also would ask my W to limit the argument to one topic, as they would sometimes just blow into full arguments about 10 things. I take responsibility for my actions.
3. I didn't initiate change or action that nurtured the R. I (not only person) allowed the R to become stagnant, and didn't keep up with the changing R. I also didn't lead us to healthy ongoing and regular discussions and activities that would have promoted keeping the Love Alive. I take responsibility for my actions.
4. I let my pride get in the way. I'm not saying I should have been a door mat, but there were opportunities where I didn't have to be right. I could have swallowed my pride and let Love win. I take responsibility for my actions.
5. I took some of my Ws roles. I didn't intend to, but I did. I thought helping with W chores or responsibilities was being helpful, but it may have made her feel like less of a woman, mother, lover, wife. I take responsibility for my actions.

There's more, but these are the top 5 that I think damaged my R from my perspective.