More journaling...Need to get this down while it's fresh.
W called to say she didn't sleep last night and felt miserable. She said she was carrying a heavy heart and figured it was due to D6's B-Day and how dysfunctional our family is.
She said she felt she was doing a disservice to the kids by us staying together and that my way doesn't work (C, work on the M). She says she has been unable to "fix" it--although she has tried. She added that to perpetuate and continue living like this can't be justified, reconciled, or rationalized.
As for the kdis, she said that while they seem fine, they are not. Since she knows them so well, she sees it. And we can't continue the pretnse that the sitch can be fixed.
She added that her parents are scared to death for her. That by staying and threatening to fight a Sep or D or that we won't get to a "better" place, I will continue harming her health. She noted that my "answers" don't work. 1) If it's a choice, she would make that choice because it's easy; and 2) Leaving (or staying and causing W's health to collapse) causing me to get a nanny or day care would "devastate" the kids.
W said the kids are her life -- I've done it all for them since the beginning (Note, Betsey, I told ya' so) and I know we can do better with every confidence if we have a new R (i.e., separate). She said she recognized that others (including her sister) could have a different opinion, but asked me if I knew how she can say this. I said, "Because you believe it."
And W's humble reply??
W: But my opinion is the ultimate truth!
I mostly listened and said, "Uh huh." I DID NOT SAY that only God and Jesus can speak the "ultimate truth."
She asked me if I could pledge not to fight and make a Sep/D acrimonious.
I said that when I married her, I vowed to treat her as the most important person in my life and to try my best to make her happy. Even if that was not always the case, I remain committed to that pledge.
W then tried to explain what she was doing in hiring a lawyer and how she was not trying to harm me, but to protect everyone's well-being and didn't want to fight. I said I understand that desire, but this was now a legal matter and I had to treat it like one. I said there were numerous areas where one could split hairs and that it was best to wait until she gave me her proposal before I could address these issues. I said it had been four months since I asked for this and I was still waiting and conveyed my sentiment that I made it clear from the beginning that I would not cross any bridges until I had this in hand--so please don't ask me for answers now. She then had to go. (Nothing on Yahoo I might add).
