WAW still behaving angry and moving to divorce

[SH_]

I unfortunately had the conversation and it did go a bit south. She is infuriated about the money, but I did keep my cool fortunately. I got out in one piece so to speak and finally got an answer that she will file and she did get that started today. I don't want a divorce but at this point my best hope is some space if there is to ever be a thought of R down the road.

She slept on the couch. I guess that was also her sign for I am serious this time.

Today was much more pleasant. I imagine her lawyer gave her news she could stomach finally. But I won't read into that because it does not much matter to me. I just want my girls to have some peace and this can bring it for all of us.

I am bouncing around between numb and anger of late. Not sure what that means, but I feel as if I want the WAW to vanish from my life for good because none of this makes sense to me. And then I feel sad because my babies do not deserve any of this.

Anyway it's been a long day of rolling anxiety attacks since about 2 AM. My IC has recommended I see my PCP for some meds and a referral for a psychiatrist. He says the talk therapy is not going to be enough until I can balance those out. Not sure how I feel about this, but it's not really a boost to the ego at this point. The brain wants to be willing, but the mind is fooling the body with the nonsense that are these anxiety attacks.

V, I just want you to know that I look forward to your advice, thoughts and coaching. I think that is a good idea for the move out this weekend. Weird that is how I must think now a days, but it makes sense. And yes, I gotta protect those buttons at all costs.

You are both a wise person and a sweet angel watching over me and my family. Thank you more than I could ever express in typed words.