The sorrow of it all

[Georgia Bulldogs]

I would recommend consulting an attorney and strategizing your divorce to the fullest extent possible. If she's basically moved out and given you, for the most part, primary custody of the kids for the time being it might probably behoove you to delay filing for divorce as long as possible while more firmly establishing yourself as the primary parent more and more everyday.

You didn't give your wife a glowing report as a parent previous to being wayward so now that she's far far down the wayward path...she is no longer a suitable parent and the more custody of your children you can obtain the more you can shelter and protect them from her abuse and selfish entitled wayward thought process that will not likely ever go away (unless she turns and repents which doesn't sound likely).

You shouldn't wait for your wife to tell the children that "mommy and daddy just don't love each other anymore but both of you love them forever and forever and everything will be fine after the divorce". Instead they are old enough to be told the truth so they know it had nothing to do with them (kids are narcissists and always think it has something to do with something they did or didn't do). You should tell them by yourself and NOT with your wife by your side and you need to tell them first that you are divorcing because mom has had several other boyfriends during your marriage and that is not acceptable in marriage and wrong and even though you tried very hard to reconcile and forgive their mother, their mother never apologized or stopped dating other men so divorce is the only option. Apologize to them for not having told them the truth previously but that you also were ashamed and embarrassed about their mother's behavior. Own that you weren't perfect in the marriage either (though you didn't leave or cheat) and that they can count on you to tell them the 100% absolute truth (in an age appropriate manner) whenever they have questions or concerns. There will be no more lying in YOUR home.

Your wife (soon to be ex-wife) can get mad or bent all she wants but the truth is the truth and you have nothing to be ashamed of. It would be very typical for her to then try to spill any and all of your secrets that she knows in a vindictive effort to balance the blame or otherwise make you at fault and it's very important for you to reinforce your claim that you will, from here forward speak the truth and if what she says is true...you acknowledge it and own it while indicating that although you made mistakes and don't claim perfection....your errors and negligence do not excuse or justify their mothers continuing affairs and you remain willing to reconcile if she stops cheating (which she's not going to this far down the road but you need/want to model for your children the concepts of forgiveness AND appropriate boundaries wherein you don't have to maintain a relationship (or marriage) with someone that abuses you.

Google things like "telling children about the affair" or phrases like that for more direction and advice in articles writing by actual professionals. Even the wayward wife "Dr". Laura has a rant somewhere about why you need to tell the children the truth.

Jeep - you have been now nominated and appointed your children's sole responsible moral incorrupt parent. It's not what you wanted but it's now your lot. Fight carefully and strategically to protect them to the greatest extent possible from her morally bankrupt existence.