More jouranling and I took some risky moves tonight.
First on the plus side, I spoke to Eddy today for some advice. On the down side, W is W--and mine seems inetrchangeable with Eddy's.
Well, I threw a new wrinkle into the mix tonight. I got home tonight about 7:45. W had baked lots of cupcakes for D5 who turns 6 tomorrow. I went straight for the kids and spent the next 45 minutes with each of them before bed.
I went downstairs and there were lots of dishes from cooking, etc., that W did not have time to get to, so I started to clean. W continued her lovely ways and said don't do the dishes--that I'm only doing them to be nice and show I'm a good H and that W has a problem. She said i never did this before (BS!) and when she said it was part of my scheme, I just walked away. She then says that I'm walking away because she hit a chord that I'm only doing this to show her up. At that, I just walked out the front door.
When I got back, W said this proves I can't have a convo with her about things I don't like and thT I just put up the walls. She then asked if I would tell my computer buddies about tonight and is that how I spend all my time. I said I do have a support group online that helps me, but that's not all I do. I said I check all things on the web, do work, AND..................Check out the Yahoo Personals.
I won't get into all the give and take...but I told W I had placed an ad for a month and actually had a coffee date (I combined my phone convo with the Yahoo girl and Betsey). I said I wasn't really into it and just wanted to see if I could do it, so I have stopped seeking meetings, but W seemed stunned and started asking all types of questions. How long? When? What if you had a connection with the person you met? Then what? And you think this is okay? Your pro-marriage C said you should do this? (yes--if I was confident of my barriers). I added that my postings/and e-mails with other people (W: you e-mailed people??? How many???) were upfront about my sitch, that I was not looking for an R, but just wanted to meet new people.
She told me to keep doing it and then said she presumes she is free to do the same--to which I replied, you're free to do whatever you wish. She noted that she didn't need my permission.
The convo ended, but when I went back upstairs and thanked her for folding my laundry, her reply was, "Big f**kin' deal, you never thanked me before. Why do you even bother?"
I have no idea what the ultimate reaction might be or if now she'll go out and sleep with all of NYC, but I felt I really needed to let her know that I CAN and WILL move on without her if I have to. Eddy said this type of stuff led to his restraining order!! Hopefully, she'll be civil for D6's birthday. (they grow up so fast ).
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