Merrick sounds like your having a pretty good day. Boy to be out of the top 3 is good in my book. I had to laugh, still am. I see your point on VA. Beach, and in some regards you may be right but we all need a break from our lives to cut loose with some freinds and relax. Remember Merrick, the idea is to take care of you, be more independant and live for you. Make the changes from within and be the best you can be.I can certainly understand your not wanting to. Before the restraining order I dont think I would have either. That was my cue to move on, its in Gods hands, guess it always was. I will be respectable but if its time to heal my W needs,well so be it. Im not out planning an affair or an orgy. Its a weekend getaway to relax. (Its not an orgy is it? maybe I should have asked. ) Sorry, just thinking out loud...
I agree with you Merrick in that counseling would be good for the 2 of you. While counseling for you may get her interested Im not sure its the answer. I went and still do when the crap gets really deep but I pretty much know what he is going to say and I dont feel as though he is really helping. More like a good friend to listen. I think you shoot straighter with me than him. I wish he would make me question things on occasion. Well, take care and pleasant dreams, You all will be in my prayers at Sunday morning service, God Bless, Eddy
I could feel the backslide coming, but it blew today with a huge argument with W over where we are and where we are going. I guess all this was brewing too much for me to walk away. I could have hit myself at the end when she denied making comments about me poisoning the priest's mind and every one else at the Church. If she doesn't recall this, she is surely an alien. Athough there is no doubt she will remember every negative thing I said tonight.
My big mistep came when W said "lets tell the kids," and my doing just that. When S9 came in the room, I said, "Mommy doesn't love me and she wants a D--and I don't. That's what were arguing about." At bedtime, S8 asks, "Are you and mommy getting a D?" . That was a major screwup. But who knows, maybe it will demonstrate the hardship before we get there.
The issues were the same--C or no C? What's the use if W won't try? W accusing me of emotional manipulation by blaming her and stating that the issues won't be pretty in D--including custody. Role of OM? W says she wants Sep, not a D--but reconciliaiton is not possible. We should live separate forever. Her tank is definitely empyt for me and she wants me out because my presence just feeds the anger, resentment, and feeling of being trapped.
Incredibly, I don't feel too bad. Amidst all this my worst behavior was not anger--but a conveying a sense of self-righteousness by telling W that D was her decision--not mine and saying if she didn't want to "work" at it--so be it. Oh well. Tomorrow's another day.
Listen pal, we have the same W and they are very nutty. Why? We all have our reasons. Seems like Eddy is in our frat too. Maybe we should give these Psycho Wives from Hell a name.
YES, you must come to Va Beach. You have met me and in the few minutes we have met, we shared alot. We do go to these DB events to celebrate "OUR" souls, give ourselves something to be happy about. Sure we have fun, but we also pull back and share our expeirences with eachother.
You hear about the fun at these events, but the private chats that happen on the side, those are learning exps. that are kept private, these are things that are learned and not joked about.
I have learned so much by going out and meeting Leenie, DJ, Manisha, Roxy, SteveO, Bluekeys, Dagny, Nik, Wiley, DCGuy, Udog, Jorge, Mal, and many others that have enlightened me. Every chance to talk about our passages through this mess gives us insight to life and the way to make what is divided, one again.
Don't be shy Merrick. The stories are great, but the lessons are why I go. Sure, I was a human Sundae, but hell.........it was 15 months since my W even looked at me.
Don't be such a sissy Merrick, we all are married. Heck, we all are still wanting our S's, right? Come on down to VB and we'll all laugh at how nuts our Ws are.
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Listen pal, we have the same W and they are very nutty. Why? We all have our reasons. Seems like Eddy is in our frat too Knucklehead club!! Hey Berto,I can be a member too can't I,I think I qualify!! Over the Ocean
CB--Now tell me why you needed me to convince Merrick to join you? I think your testimony is awfully powerful and I doubt I could do better than you did!
But I just stopped by to say hi... and wish you a good Monday for Monday's sake. Thanks both of you for your voicemail messages!!!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I also came to the point where "enough is enough" and let all my pent up frustrations out. It may have been a backslide, and I know we as DBers try very hard to form a R that is manageable with our W/H's, but I realize I am the only one who is telling her a different opinion on what she is doing. I am not enabling her, but I don't know if what I am doing is having any effect whatsoever either.
I can not begin to fathom the pain your W is in, the degree of nastiness she portrays to you and the kids and the fact that you, my saintly friend, have had enough love and patience to deflect this behavior for a long time.
I, for one, believe you should treat yourself and visit your friends in VaBeach. Its a great place, with good people. And I know what you mean about having the apprehensions of what might transpire at one of these shindigs, but I will tell you, if you go in with a set of preconceived notions, knowing what you will do and won't do, it will make it all the more fun. Its a chance to meet many people on the board that are there to help you, as friends. I'd jump at that chance to talk to them face to face, to put a face to the words they type.
and lastly, yes, tomorrow is another day, except for those Islanders. sorry about that, couldn't resist. besides I never seen someone cheer so loudly as Betsey did when she learned the islanders were out!!! (okay so that isn't entirely true, but I was hoping it would put a smile on your face, since it was me who was cheering). I've adopted the Canuckleheads since my Sabres won't make the playoffs for the next few years, so hopefully they will win tonight.
And yes, no moves were made, so the M proposal to you by her is still in effect, I think!!!! hahahahahaha
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Merrick, One thing I can say is you know your own heart.You know if you are strong enough to not let things to to far.Whether or not you should go on the trip is a choice you make knowing how strong you are.
One of the things that is good about this board is that we can tell all of our thought and feelings. Sort a seragate spouse if you will.We tell very intamate thoughts and feelings.That puts us in a comfort zone that could very easy become something that isn't comfortable at all. And when you put people with raw emotions and alcahol together you could get a very explosive combo.
Not that anyone would go to seek out that sort of thing.But if you have a fear of something when your in a painful place in your life then you should trust your instincts.whether they turn out to be afalse instinct it is still best not to chance it.
I know I for one have very raw emotions and I miss having the comfort that comes froma relationship and can not trust myself to not fall from my stand for my marriage.
I now try to not put myself into sitch where I will be tempted.I'm to weak right now.and I know it.
So if you feel you shouldn't do something go with it you know your heart.
And right now it is in love with your wife.As it should be.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
TripleJ and Briget, thanks for the visit. Isn't it sad how much pain there is to go around--but you and others are among the best supporters I have and you mean a lot to me.
Now. For the record: I believe I know how to control myself and keep myself out of trouble at Virginia Beach. But one never knows what the mighty alcohol can do to one's soul, in or or kind of ways. Heck, I thought Cabanaboy was kind of cute (that's for calling me a sissy ). And I do believe the gathering would be a great chance to meet folks and get away from our sitches.
If the gathering were closer to home--I might consider it more strongly, but plane or driving remains a haul--and my son has two baseball games that weekend and I'm an asst. coach. Still, I'll look for some last minute deals on the web and will not rule out a surprise appearance.
As for me, I had about a twenty minute swallow my pride/validate convo with W this evening that was a bit nice of calm after yesterday's storm. I have always recovered nicely from backslides with a new level of detachment and started new streaks of calmness. If I believe in Christ--I believe in unconditional love regardless of what my W feels and this is my aim. I at leats told W that if we go our ways--I will be guided by the Christian within me and not the vengeful spirit that can come out in anger.
Finally, TripleJ and Bets--I'd rather be an Islander fan than Bruin fan tonight. The only bad thing about their losing is that it wasn't bad enough to fire their GM--who must have sordid pics of the owner to keep his job for this long. Go Avs!
Hey there, handsome! I just sent you an e-mail. If you've hit the hay, it'll be waiting for you when you log back in tomorrow.
Quote: I at leats told W that if we go our ways--I will be guided by the Christian within me and not the vengeful spirit that can come out in anger.
That's as much as God asks of a man, don't you think? It holds truth and dignity, and whatever happens, you are where you need to be.
The funny thing here... down the road a ways, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you were open enough to try just about anything. I doubt she will be able to say the same. IF she persists on this path.
Too bad she's so smart that she can't see this before the train wreck happens.
Take care and a big bear hug for you, friend.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
S9 had a class trip and was supposed to be at school by 7 a.m. W got up early to prepare everything and then went to the gym and planned to come home early to take him. At five minutes of seven--W had not arrived and S9 was getting antsy. I wasn't exactly sure why she wasn't there--so I took him on the short ride to school.
I don't think too well in the morning because when I got back, W was on the front steps waiting for me and pounced yelling that I undermined her and I didn't trust her. She was prepared and I must have just missed her by 20 seconds. The message I was sending to S9 is that she is unreliable and on top of that--I didn't make sure he had everything the right way for his trip.
I said I hadn't really thought of it that way and just figured something held her up. I said I understood why she was upset and said I'm sorry. While she remained angry, she said she accepted the apology and my story that it wasn't done to undermine her--but that she was still angry and had a right to be. I just said I can see why she was upset.
These next few days are really critical for me because my emotions are so raw right now I can go either way. I think I can move forward, but I need to be disciplined and distracted. To this end--I will remain off this board until tonight!
I see your point on VA. Beach, and in some regards you may be right but we all need a break from our lives to cut loose with some freinds and relax. Remember Merrick, the idea is to take care of you, be more independant and live for you. Make the changes from within and be the best you can be.I can certainly understand your not wanting to. Before the restraining order I dont think I would have either. That was my cue to move on, its in Gods hands, guess it always was. I will be respectable but if its time to heal my W needs,well so be it. Im not out planning an affair or an orgy. Its a weekend getaway to relax. (Its not an orgy is it? maybe I should have asked. 
) 
or 