You look at in the mechanics of your relationship. How does it work? How do play off each other?

Think about the behavioral patterns of each one, and what you do to get what you want from each other. It's not necessarily verbalized, but each of you desire things from each that you feel will make you happier, as well as the MR and family unit.

Look at the present situation with the drama and pressure. What are you doing to get what you want from her?

How does she respond when you try to get what you want from her?

Is it working for you?

Take a look at how each of you operate in the MR? Who does the emotional work in the M? Which one is the slacker? Which one does more giving and the other more the taking? Who is the pursuer and which one pulls back? Is there a bully in the MR? Is there a self-centered partner? Who wears the pants?

Is it working for you?

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells? Do you usually let her have her way, to keep the peace? Do you find yourself always having to explain your actions? When she won't give you the happiness you seek with her........do you chase, plead, pet, cater, sulk, get angry, etc?

Does it work to get you what you want?

What does she do when she doesn't get what she wants from you? Does she play games? Does she manipulate you? Does she b'tch, pout, go silent, act cold, withholdsex, throw a tantrum, throw things, cry a river, stop cooking, or hundreds of other ways to punish you? If so, then how do you react to her reactions.......and does it work for you?

If the operations are not working to get the desired results, then you change your action and reactions.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!