She got home yesterday morning, and started getting ready for work. She said "Im sorry I ruined your birthday". THen she started getting ready for work.
I ask why she had been back in touch with her AP, and she said "HE contacted ME". When she got in the shower I looked in her phone, but it had a password on it for the first time in months. So she had me locked out of her phone....Again...
I confronted her, and she just kept repeating "Matthew YOU DONT WANT ME". She claims Ive been "pushing her away for a long time". That she has "tried her hardest to gain my trust, and I still have suspicions".
I told her that my suspicions were confirmed when I caught her in another bar. Her response was that she had been working at the bar checking IDs. That she had been lying about it because she knew I wouldn't approve. So NO she wasn't just sitting there waiting on uber riders.
She went to work, and I start getting a flood of texts from her. "Matthew you only want me when you think youre losing me". "Ive been desperately seeking your approval and haven't gotten it". "Oh youre ignoring me? I don't even care anymore". "Im broken damaged goods and I don't need a man in my life". "I know you think I cheated last night but YOURE WRONG!" "Ive tried and tried but you refuse to make me feel important". "Its funny how you become concerned when I push YOU away". "I tried being there for you but you don't want it". "Until you think its gone". "Go find a sexy little skinny bitch you been stringing me along long enough". "Go ahead". "You confuse me you know"
All this with no response over the course of about 20 minutes. SO at this point I responded "You confuse me. I just want to be able to trust the woman I married".
Her response was "I feel clouded. Stuck. In a daze."
Then about 5 hours later she texted me asking if I was ok. I told her im fine. She said its "clear I want somebody else. I told her all I want is to be able to trust my wife. TO have her respect, honesty, love, and lust ALL to myself.
She responded that she had "been giving me all that but it wasn't good enough". THat she was "sorry she lied, and it was the first lie since the A ended."
She got in last night at about 11:30. She said she had been giving uber rides. Keep in mind the tracking thing has been cancelled. So I don't KKNOW where shes been. I just said OK. I wnt into the living room, and was watching a fight when in about 10 minutes she came in there asking me "what my plans are". I told her my plans were to continue taking care of our children with love, and enjoying them. To hold down our fort like always.
This morning when I woke up she was staring at me. Telling me Im so handsome, and in such great shape that I can get any woman in the world. Saying she understands why I push her away.
Its driving me nuts because I HAVENT BEEN PUSHING HER AWAY! That's all nonsense talk. The last few days I have detached a little because I found out shes lying, and contacting the AP again, but up until then things were better than they been in a while.
I looked her in her eyes and asked her with all sincerity if she had cheated again, and she swore she hadn't. Said she stayed the night at her friends house Sunday. I told her to let me see her phone, and she was reluctant. She was being a smartass by giving it to me with it locked, and smirking. I said open it up and let me go through it. She just smirked an evil little smile, and said she didn't see the point.
I said she is clearly hiding something, and If that's the level of respect she has then so be it. SO she went into it, and fooled with it for about 2 minutes THEN handed it to me, and said "I don't know what you think youre gonna find".
Obviously she cleared up any evidence. She knows Im no fool, and since theres no point looking in her phone AFTER she fiddled with it, I declined. When I asked why she messed with it first instead of just showing her husband her phone she responded "because I don't want you calling nobody with it".
Now that's a key point because during the A, before I read the book, I would call the AP, and scare him off. After twice he just stopped answering my number, so I would get her phone and do it. It worked. He would cower away, but after a couple weeks each time SHE would hunt him down, and begin the A again.
So I asked her what it was she wanted. She said she dosent know anymore. I ask how things changed so suddenly, and she claims its been gradual. That's bull! Just Thursday we were laughing, and doing mad libs as a family, and enjoying each other. We were making love every night, and she was CONSTANTLY praising me, and uplifting me. Telling me how great I was, and thatnking me for how forgiving Ive been. GUSSHING over me. I could see in her face how deeply she cared for me, and how thankful she was to be loved after all her betrayal. I have been patient since January when the A ended. Still I have moments of the blues, but for the most part I control my emotions. The point is this recent development happened very suddenly.
It was seeming kinda perfect. Then there was a little lying. Still though, she was being very loving, and even desperate to know I cared for her. Following me around like a puppy wanting attention. Constantly jumping all over me the instant we got the kids put to bed. All up till last Friday when I was lied to, and started becoming detached. Sunday morning, the morning of my birthday, she went out clinging to me, and hugging me. Saying please love me. Then when she got back (after re-establishing contact with the AP) she was a TOTALLY different woman. You all have read the rest of the details.
All this talk about how gradually she has been changing, and how I been pushing her away, and she hasn't felt wanted dosent really add up. What it seems like is that she got caught lying, was contacted by the AP, and as a result she is now "confused" again. I also feel almost sure she stayed at his house sunday night. I cant prove it. I just think my paranoia is reasonable.
I know this is long, and IM sorry. Im just really tore up AGAIN, and I always kinda felt this would happen. She seemed so genuine though.
