my wife is a waw! trying everything to save it!

[anime92]

She has claimed she is moving out at the end of the lease, and that her last day at work is the end of may. I didn't ask she told me this after we had sex, later in the day. I understand what you mean by don't drool over her or persue her and I do not plan on it. If she comes to me that's another story.

The idea is it was just sex and nothing more. Act as if.

[roist]

It is more complicated than that. Now that ye did have sex once you can play it down as just being sex. Worst case scenario" one for the road".

But the thing is, she is clear your M is over and she is moving out. She wants to do fun stuff with you and use you for sex, all while being clear it is over.

I can think of worse ways of being used, but that is what she is doing.And you are OK with it. Maybe you can reconnect with her by sharing good moments together. Idk. And for sure it will be more enjoyable until she leaves. But you are giving her everything she wants so she does not have to reconsider.

We all have a choice in what path we choose and only one person walks in our shoes. I am not sure that being her sex friend is the best route for you to choose to save your M. I am no expert so maybe a coach could be better..

If she does leave as she intends, how do you want to look back on this time?

[DDJ]

Very true roist, I'm in that same place. WW sent me an email and said she wanted some tonight. I said I've got work to do, but i'll see.

I guess giving in to her is just repeating the same cycle over again, where we give them the power over us. I would certainly enjoy it, but is it going to be good for us...

I don't think so. If I don't give off, and she runs into someone elses arms, then that will be her choice. So guess who's not getting some tonight, or anytime soon? Yeah, both of us.

[anime92]

I ultimately want to save the M. I feel this could be a way to reunite us, however I also feel like I shouldn't push for more sex, make her want it and not show that I am craving it.

Then again my emotions are all over the place, up and down left and right. She may just be using me. But she may also just be confused about everything.

I need not think about her thoughts. I need to focus on myself, more art, more involvement in this band, I'm currently creating logos.

[DDJ]

I spoke with my psychologist yesterday (first couples counselling) and she stated that the reason for my WWs and I heightened arousal is that the body fears loss. It holds on even tighter when it knows that it might be the last time.

I still need to show my WW some emotion so that she can at least hold onto something, but this is going to be a difficult few months at first, until the R is back.

[anime92]

That makes sense, of course we fear loss. At the end of the day it was more than just sex, they way it started she hugged me tight from behind in a sensual way as if longing for more than just sex a desire for the connection to still be there. And the after when she came out and cuddled with me, a desire to still have that closeness not just sex.

However it is now my job to ensure that she believes I think it was just sex even if it wasn't for her or for me. If she initiates again I will have to make a decision at that point and determine what the best course of action is.

[DDJ]

I believe that they still want the connection, why would they still be around? But have her begging for it. You need to take the power and there is no better time than today.

[anime92]

So she just asked me if I meant what I had said about signing the renewal papers for her green card and helping her stay here. Which I did mean when I said it and I told her yes, with that being the case, she wants to stay married for this whole process and keep living together and find a new place and sign another 12 month lease together.

I want to see this as an opportunity to give me the time to continue GAL and her being a witness to help her to change her mind but I am not trying to focus on that. I wonder if it will make it even tougher to GAL with her still around. I am excited to have her here and not be a long distance away so once I am ready to bring things back up she's not across the world but it makes me question many things.

Thoughts?

[ItHurts]

I realize you are blinded by hope here...I was too after the supposed "special moments" of sex with my WAW...but it is jading your thinking my friend. Reading too deep into it desperately seeking any glimmer of hope that she's falling back in love with you.
Hope is great, but I'm just going to say, I don't like the smell of this whole green card/let's stay married idea. Sounds to me, like others said about her using you for the sex, that this is just another benefit she can get from you without R.
Her emotions and feelings and love for you should be the only thing that makes her want to stay married...this is more like an "I want to still walk out but staying married gives me sex and citizenship. Hate to say it, I think she's using you at this point...

Having said that, I pray I am dead wrong and this works out for you. Jusr please protect yourself.

[DDJ]

I agree with Ithurts, she is using you to stay in the country, she will suck you dry (pun intended). She is having her cake and eating it. DON'T GIVE UP THE CAKE.

It's okay to do this for her, don't get me wrong, but you need to totally disregard her once she is back in the house. She must clean after herself, do her own thing, which may even be more difficult - and you need to GAL. Do nothing with her, be your own person and enjoy life. Like Sandi2 says, enjoy the time that your WW is giving you.