Feeling lost

[srt]

Thanks Accuray, I think we all know how encouraging messages of support are, I really appreciate it.

I'm just back from handover of kids, tried to ask to get more time with them through the week, since I only get them a couple of hours in between the weekends.
This did not go down well, wife was angry etc.
I considered leaving (boundaries), but it was at her place and I wanted to try and resolve this since I've been finding it very hard for a long time.

We chatted for a while about it - I tried validating like hell but I'm not sure how much of it she heard. W still mentioned not "belonging" in this area - ie wanting to move to the city, and was also talking about kids in the "future" spending more time with me and less with her (more signs of MLC?). Upsetting to hear but I tried not to let it affect me, just kept saying I wanted what was best for the kids

Not sure if I've messed up a lot of good work or not with this conversation, at least I kept my cool and didn't get angry or take the bait. There were some tears from both of us though. W was visibly upset, and I could tell did not want to talk about it. She also complained about not hearing from us in holidays, I said I could see she had found it tough and she just has to call me (implying that I'm giving her space).

I think I'll continue the NC, and leave talking about access for a few days/a week before I bring it up again.

Wife also said she felt she'd messed things up, and was concerned about what my family think of her. I just tried to validate this again without agreeing/disagreeing or offering advice.

I suggested she could talk about it next time we meet but she declined. I found the whole conversation really tough but also surreal, and was constantly thinking is this the DB way. She didn't really decide anything, emotionally she was all over the place, seeming to regret what she had done, but with no plan or mention at all about a R.

It has saddened me but I know I've got to stay strong and continue to detach.

Any advice or takes on the above greatfully received