Getting out of in house S (9)

[vise82]

Hey,

Not much to say, normal stuff.

I picked up kids after school. W did not call or message me like she normally does after her work. She was working late. I had the kids outside and W comes home. She says Hello to me. I say it back. There was some talk about her house and she shows me something she bought for the kids for the wedding I am not going to.

Why does she do that. Does she want me to be happy to see all this stuff for an event that does not involve me?

I am losing the need to confront her on telling me stuff as I just don't care as much.

She is starting to get physically ugly to me. And I think to myself just for a second that I can do way better. Also thought of if we do R then I will never know if I could.

I am starting to gain some self value. This is all flash in the pan thoughts.

Deep down I still love her. I mean I chose her and I still stand by that choice. I didn't know how much I did love her until she wanted a S.

At the start of this after BD, W tried to get me to agree that if we did not have kids would we still be together? Who knows.

Just same old, I put the kids to bed and then W and I stay away from each other in different rooms.

One thing I did do is dress up after work, to look my best. She did notice. I don't do that as much as I should. It doubles the laundry that I have to do for myself.

It is good for confidence. I can feel it as I enter the school looking like a million bucks to pick up the kids. But some days I don't feel like it and just change it up and let people see the working me in my work clothes and glasses.

Have my lawyer visit today to look at the S agreement before I sign it. I will get some truth today to see how much my W is truly taking it easy on me with it. She is saying she could get a lot more money out of me but she doesn't want her kids living in an apartment with me somewhere with no money.

But the way she is spending when they will be living with her it will be with no money.