These were the things my husband was unhappy with and voiced.
1. I did not work full time
So it wasn't agreed up front you would be SATM?
2. I was always negative. I would have done this differently and am working on this now. It's even more challenging now because of circumstances, but something I am really working on.
Negative in which ways? How are you working on it?
3. My anxiety. My fears and obsessions of illnesses and children's safety etc. were very real to me but annoying to husband. I would have worked on it. I think it also has something to do with negative thinking.
Did you have IC, do CBT?
4. Housework. If I lived in my own house/apt this would be a priority because it's nice to be organized.
Hmmmmm, think if I were H this might irate me, so could you have negotiated a housekeeper?
5. We cannot communicate with each other. ****** THIS WAS HIS MAJOR COMPLAINT. I know I would get angry and instead of communicating appropriately i would just make a nasty passive aggressive comment. This is something I have done a complete 180 on. No more comments.
Not communicating is a two way issue!
6. I did not dress up for him. I always went out in sweatpants. I have been doing this now, but he doesn't see me anyway so it makes no difference.
It makes a difference, trust me it does. This should be for you not your H. I suggest some self worth issues in this. Is there? Why would you not want to be at your best?
My grandma had an expression go be dressed to the shoes, every day. I know when I am down this is one of the first to go.
This is a big big issue.
Things that husband did not voice, but I would have done differently
1. More flirting
See 6 above.
2. Accepted him for what he was. When I needed him to change in order for family to function better as unit, I would have approached it differently so it would come across less as a criticism more as a team decision making. Communicate without criticism. I was way too demanding. Needed to let him come to me, instead of making demands. This would make me come across as way more attractive.
Great insight. Lesson learned?
3. Combined finances so we would be working as team. This transparency would have made for less resentments on both our parts.
Not a deal breaker in my view.
4. Would have went out with my friends more. This would have made me less clingy and demanding of his time.
GAL plan please.
5. In my mind I unfairly blamed him for things that were not necessarily his fault. This led to resentments
You don't get blamed for your thoughts or resentments. Think and resent away.
6. Listened to him more. I remember going way overboard with kids parties. He tried to talk to me about it and I just did not listen. Then after party was over I realized he was right. I admitted to him that he was, but should have listened more and implemented.
Negotiation not capitulation.
At this point, all he wants is space from me. And basically that is what I am doing. I stopped asking him about what his plans are regarding reconciliation, etc. I am remaining polite and cooperative when I can. If there was anything else I could do I would do it.
Your plans please
As always no V is an option
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
