After the spring break week where we had a lot of interaction as school got back into the swing things definitely slowed down on that level. I definitely tried to make things keep moving but started getting the feeling i was forcing things. I started to believe i need to pull away. W did ask me about a upcoming weekend where she is supposed to have the kids and she has a wedding to go to. Asked if i wanted to have the kids that evening as he will prob be staying over at the wedding since it is an hour away. My anxiety and mind reading did not do well on this. I did not express any of that to her though. I actually will be busy that evening and asked her times and she was supposed to get back to me, but never did and i hear from kids that they are having sleepovers at friends that evening.
So my bday was friday, very tough has we are right at 1 year from BD now. She did take the kids to buy me a gift and brought them over with it. She wished me a happy bday and that was it. I must say i was hoping we all would have done something together but i should have known better and will get into that shortly.
So with my testing and now the feeling i need to pull away is because i have noticed a few things. First, she seems willing to do things all together when the kids are with her. When they are with me she is not interested. I learned that either it is becuse she wants the help with kids and she is very preoccupied doing what she wants when kids arent there. She always has plans when kids are not there. I learned that as much as i thought she was coming out of some of her fog that she is no where near breaking out.
That is how i should have expected my bday to not have any interaction as it was a friday and knew she would have plans.
I did see her the other day right out of the shower with no make up etc..she looked tired in my opinion. I dont know if it was just an off day or her life is pushing her.
So as all signs tell me to pull away right now, it is very hard. I am also tired of feeling the way i do everyday. tired of living in the limbo. I know i can move forward with my life and i do, but the not knowing what is going on is tough. I am feeling i just throw it out to her if she is interested in doing something as just the two of us and see what happens. If she rejects it will hurt but may make me realize it is time to stop.
Anyway, that is where i am. I know this is all about her and i really will only be posting on this to let people know what is going on with the dynamic between W and I.
My personal life isnt bad and i am busy, but i will just use this board for the relationship stuff.
anyway more later
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
