I was on the sorry go round so many times I can't tell when I got off half the time. As with you, it's the destruction of the family unit that makes things so difficult.
I recently filed for divorce and am still up in the on how I feel. And, as with you, I am still missing that. The hardest thing to realize once a spouse goes to the extent of an affair, the marriage is done. What one must ask, is why am I willing to put up with someone who not only disrespected me but the family?
I've heard every justification imaginable for an affair, and my w even went so far as to blame me. It is what it is. No amount of reasoning will make them change their minds, and the more you try the more resentful they will become. The hardest thing to accept is the fact that they no longer care nor wish to be in a relationship with you. Think about that for a minute - if they did, would they have had an affair, especially a sexual one?
While you, like me and all other left behinds, still love our cheating spouses, there isn't anything one can do. Some will say the cheater isn't of the right mind, but that is a load of BS. An affair isn't a mistake, period. It was a well-thought out choice, and that fact can't be argued (oh, and I hold the corner on cheating spouses with an effed up past). By the time the A happens, the marriage is long dead.
The main question is can you ever really trust your spouse? A leaopard never changes its spots...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
