I am running a little on the white anger mode that V has discussed. Last night the WAW and I sat down to review the financial agreement written up by the L. She ranted and raved about every little detail and made accusations at me while doing so. After less than 5 minutes she jumped up and said, this just makes me sad. Print me copy and I will look at it later and have my L review it. I agreed and asked her if she would like to clarify why it made her sad.
She then expressed that she felt that she had been around long enough for me to at least share the inheritance, but she understood why I would not and it is okay. And she walked away. I asked her if she would be able to review it by today, and her response was, "Why are you in a hurry to just get your money?" What does this even mean? She wants to leave and wants to have money that she can make decisions without having to partner with me? What does she want and how do I.....I am not even sure what my question is anymore.
I attempted to ask her if we could discuss the plans for the girls as she is moving out next Sunday and still has not submitted the D paperwork. She told me how we should do it, then said but I won't tell you what to do like I always have, so you can make your own decisions. Then she proceeded to tell me how it would go.
Arghhhh!!! The only conversations are about the dissolving of the family, and I have to instigate the conversations, because she avoids them, but she is making the reckless decisions to chase her fantasies and blaming me for standing in the way. How do I protect myself, and yet validate her in her decisions that affect more than just her. Grrrr!!!
It is a challenge for me at these times to validate as her comments are typically as she walks away and they come out more as barbs and jabs.
Oh, goodness, I feel sad, but also with a sense of anger underneath because the logic of it all does not exist, and yet my goals are to do what is counterintuitive and listen and understand her. Wow. What a struggle to keep it all straight. But I will continue on and work to make the shifts in who I am, so that I can maintain hope for the future, while staying on task in the moment.
And this is my Monday morning rant (I apologize if it seems to make no sense or leaves out details) as I am extremely focused on PMA this morning as I need one day....just one day now with out the anxiety attacks and depression taking over.
I am a good person, I did not cause all of the damage to my relationship, and I do accept my part in it, and I must be a strong and good father, and I desperately want to repair my relationship with God so that I can have renewed faith, hope and peace. I will also make new connections with good people and increase my joy in living a full and joyous life.
And I love the woman that was my W with all my heart...I hope some day to come across her path and be able to say hello and be a more prepared man and companion....that is the hope that slowly is fading into the mist of a dream that may simply be just a faded memory......
Happy Monday!! I hope it is a great day and week for all that are in a challenging family situation by Gods good grace.
One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change. -unknown
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Last night the WAW and I sat down to review the financial agreement written up by the L. She ranted and raved about every little detail and made accusations at me while doing so. After less than 5 minutes she jumped up and said, this just makes me sad. Print me copy and I will look at it later and have my L review it. I agreed and asked her if she would like to clarify why it made her sad. 
What a struggle to keep it all straight. But I will continue on and work to make the shifts in who I am, so that I can maintain hope for the future, while staying on task in the moment.
