I just miss him most at night. I think of a million things I want to tell him and have to work really hard to refrain from texting. Today he asked if he could come see our daughter, I replied yes. He texted immediately "why have you been so short with me this week?" Really?? Why am I so short with you? You've left me!!
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Hi DDJ, you sound like a very, very strong lady! It sound like you've been doing everything right so far. I'm so sorry you find yourself here though.
I just wanted to reiterate what others have said about 'cake eating'. My H left 5 months ago and I've been too afraid of pushing him away further to put very strict boundaries in place about visiting our two children. I know feel he is cake eating big time! He comes every day and sits here for hours and even comes in when we're not in and eats our food and watches TV! He has started doing some relationship reconciliation exercises with me but even so, his cake eating is driving me crazy and it's very easy for him to just keep going on like this without changing anything I feel. I'm not great at advice but just wanted to hopefully help you to not make the mistake I have of letting my H call all the shots. As you say yourself, your H needs to know what it will feel like to be truly gone and only have certain specified access to your D.
As for getting through the nights, I agree, they're the worst. I got through them initially by staying up, even into the small hours, until I was so exhausted that I would crash out fast asleep when I did get in bed. Gradually I became more and more tired and found that I was getting to that sleeping point earlier and earlier. Now I'm back to my usual sleep routine unless H does something particularly upsetting.
Take care of you and your little one and keep posting, there are so many wonderful people on here to give advice!
I'm actually looking forward to Friday when he moves out officially because then I won't wait up for him. Maybe I'll get some sleep. When will the "I just want him to come home" longing feeling go away?
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
I think that it will only go away if you are able to truly let him go. I definitely had a bad day yesterday, I did and said all the wrong things to my WW.
Today is a new day, a new start, a new me. God help me.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Get with girlfriends and start going on girls nights out. Go to social places. If men want to chat or dance then do that. I'm a man, I know the effect that will have. It would drive your H absolutely nuts and he'll realize what he's flirting with losing. If you sit around the house all depressed, OR EVEN WORSE,
Sorry...hit submit accidentally. Even worse is if you continually contact him because you miss him. That'll drive him further away because he knows you're there for him anytime he wants. He needs to feel like he's losing you and the family.
I can do that for sure! What do you suggest I do as far as the baby? He is going to have her every Wednesday for an hour or so, and said that if I want to do things on the weekends I should let him know. DO you think I should ask him to watch her or should I just get a babysitter and not even mention it to him
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Well, what will make you most happy, without even considering his happiness?
Perhaps get him to watch your baby, at least they can bond. Want-away Fathers normally lose their love for their children. I have not spoken to mine in 3 years!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
