DB Coach Laurie suggested BPD, but I'm not sure. I've read a lot about various psychosis, and if they say someone must exhibit at least five traits, W seems to exhibit four for all of them! But something is going on, she berates the kids for engaging in behavior that she engages in all the time. And it may be socialization/hereditary. Her father is one of the most giving and caring people I know, but he is also very short with those who upset him and speaks his mind regardless of how it might affect the feelings of others. My W is very much like this, but with a female's heighthened emotional needs (Ladies,please don't throw any gender bias boms at me).
We had a bit of a tussle this morning. I slept on the couch and she came to me seeking comfort on what happened yesterday, but I read it as another R talk on what's wrong with us and backed off--for which she called me to task for not acting like her friend. I swallowed my pride and said that I misunderstood, but she did go into an R talk about why it can't work, she has no love, etc. When she asked me what I felt, I took KAW's (I think) advice and laid a big kiss on her lips and hug--to which she replied that's what i tried before and it didn't work and that my touching her made her skin crawl.
Then she said I should kiss her like I really feel--so I just gently kissed her on the forehead. She said, I just kissed her like one of her friends, to which I replied, "That's right!"
Beyond trying to engage her this morning, I made two other arguable mistakes. First was when she said it was important to maintain positive feelings with all relatives because when we split, we'll still do family events. I said that when we split, the family events I plan to attend are those with MY family--our kids and my new wife. The second was when she asked me if I thought this was the life she wanted--that she wanted to our M to work, but it just wasn't possible and I had to show her. At this, I raised C again and that took us down another cheeseless tunnel about how a C can "fix" things. It was as if I opened the door to that tunnel, realized my mistake, but W kept pushing me through the door while I resisted.
Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now, but learn again and move forward. W feels the whole world is judging her unfairly and it makes her unhappy (another psychosis). I also think I've gotten her attention and that can't be a bad thing. But for now, I can only take care of myself.
