My sitch was different from yours - as you know - but i don't think you should think that the road to depression is the "other" road here, as opposed to holding out hope for your R.
As there isn't another man here, it certainly seems like MLC, and it is perhaps easier for you to forgive your W, focus on what was +ve in the R, want that back etc. Tell/convince yourself that it isn't her fault and you can be the ricksha needs, the lighthouse, whatever.
Whilst it may not be inherently her "fault", and indeed she maybe suffering in herself, manifesting in MLC- I could (and have) argued similarly for my W. In hindsight our R sucked toward the end, and so it isn't really her "fault" for being attracted by OM. The R mainly sucked because she was too self-centred to even talk about changing. As far as she was concerned, she was perfect and if I had a problem the I was the one that needed to change. This may've been right, but in hindsight, and with the support of friends, I realise now that she wasn't quite right upstairs. So maybe I can blame it on that, forgive her because thats the way she always was, and "hope" for the R. In my case though my W has been very helpful in encouraging me to not want the R.
So what I am saying is MLC,mental illness, it wasn't there before but it is now, or to a larger degree - it doesn't really matter. We all live on a spectrum of MLC, depression , narcism, etc all of our lives. And the spectrum also evolves throughout our lives. The person she is now is not the person you were happily M'd to, and she may never be again. She is in a different place amidst all of these spectra. That is not her fault. And so are you BTW. So whether she is "healed", my W's OM is gone, it doesnt mean that our lives even have a chance at being aligned again.
"Open to reconciliation, not waiting". Sure be the rock, you already are, but come to think it - i think the lighthouse is too much like waiting. You've spent a lot of energy on this, probably way too much. The truth is there are only two outcomes here, either you R or you don't.
If you don't then definitely wasted months/years here. If you do, it won't be because of the energy you have spent worrying about your every encounter. It will be because you are "Open to reconciliation". To reconcile means she has to want it. You shouldn't "wait" for her to ever be at that point. Its not even realistic, all this water that has passed under the bridge the past year. Imagine another passes, or maybe even now, she is also open to reconcile and you then discover that hey - she's not the same person she was a year ago, neither is Huddy.
S/D in the western world is horrendously common. whether it is due to infidelity or MLC or infidelity inspired by MLC doesn't really matter. Sure it would be nice if people had MWD's approach to Rs. Sure it is all unfair, not right, but that's life in our modern age.
This might be very controversial here, but i wouldn't worry about GingAL. Focus on being "open to reconciliation" and "not waiting". This doesn't mean losing hope. Actually it means having greater hope, that you will have a fruitful life regardless of where she is up to. GingAL,genuinely will just follow. You might even meet another lady one day and she comes around to reconcile at which point you might even say "Geez - i wanted that and spent so much energy on that for so long, then I let go of hoping/waiting for it to happen and just let it tag along behind me while I moved forward, and now I kinda got this other thing happening (or maybe you don't even have another woman) and I just couldn't fit it in with who i am now"
I don't want to suggest you abandon hope, just focus your hope somewhere else. You've been struggling for along time my friend and I really think it is about time to live for you, FOR YOU, not to better your chances of attracting her back. I'm not saying "screw her", I'm saying forget about her. If you want to look at it another way, when you "forget her", you will be truly "dark", and she will be confronted by the image of Huddy that you have been trying to artificially project. And before you say it, you can still be supportive etc - you don't have to add probably cant turn into an arsehole.
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
