Can I ask you a question J? To do it over, would you do anything differently? Or do you think you did the best you could and WAH is just unreasonable?
When I read your posts it seems like the latter. You talk about how WAH is wrong to not feel your love through your caretaking the children. And this isn't the first time you've referred to how much work taking care of the children is, usually in the context of implying that WAH needs to understand that he will have to take the back burner for a few years because the children are so demanding.
Taking care of the children is not taking care of him. And putting kids in front of your spouse leads to divorce which means your kids don't get to live with two loving parents.
At this point it may not seem to matter, maybe your children are getting a little older, maybe in future relationships child raising won't play a role. I just remember what 25years says: A WAS won't return to a M unless they think it can be better than the one they left. If you continue to think and talk as if WAH's needs are unreasonable I don't know how it's fair to expect him to return to a marriage in which his needs are not a priority.
As to the rest of your post, it's true that our lives improve in many ways after a D. I know that I am more stress free, more appreciative of what I have, happier than I was during my poor M, a better father, and I am confident I have a bright future. So when I compare it to a miserable marriage I am much happier. Still, there is no reason these positives couldn't have been attained in a better marriage, and the loss is permanent and horrifying. By all means continue to detach, GAL, and be positive about what you have. But I would encourage you to continue to stand for your M and to keep DBing, and I think that this topic is at the heart of what lay between you and WAH.
Of course I would have done things differently! Hindsite is 20/20. There was a time we could have made it work when both of us were vested. At the time though sleep deprivation and my anxiety and post partum depression took over.
I can't change things. And the truth is I wanted husband to be part of our lives. He felt pressured by me pushing for that.
I do not feel like there is anything I can do anymore. Husband has been withdrawing for years. He does not want a family life. He does not want marriage. He is obviously not interested in me In any aspect.., emotionally, physically, intellectually.
He is in opposition to everything I say.
He was angry but I think it's becoming indifference (I am still angry at his indifference but working on it). I am trying to analyze why...his foo issues, financial stress, living with my parents. But it doesn't matter because he doesn't want it.
I am simply not making it worse right now by pursuing, being cooperative when it does not take advantage of me or kids, and holding my tongue.
What else is there?
some members file for divorce and WAS turns around (recently happened with LIM). Why is it not true for me as well?
