Well, the Isles are cooked for the night, so I've come here.
As I predicted, W reverted to Damian/Sybil, but since her plans tonight were cancelled, she didn't wait until later when the kids were asleep. Instead, with the kids there, she started razzing me for not getting them to bed early enough and for watching hockey and hugging and playing with them.
She then started telling the kids that daddy was nice to them because he's not the maid like Mom and doesn't lift a finger around the house--so I can afford to be happy because I don't do anything (all BS). As is typical, this went on for about five minutes with several variations of the same theme.
I kept asking what I could do to help and also tried to get the kids ready, but she said not to do anything because "the maid" would do it.
She then went downstairs and I told her calmly not to talk about me that way to the kids. She answered that I was wrong to get in her face that one time (about three months ago) and I agreed that it was wrong. She then said that I never apologized and I replied that I thought I had, but if not, I am sorry. Then she went outside for a smoke.
When she came back, she was crying and said this outburst will make the kids think I'm better than her. I said that no one is "better" than the other and I tell the kids all the time how hard she works for them, how much she loves them--and they understand that people get tired at the end of the day. I just validated, validated, validated--althought she still thinks it is part of an act to prove I'm better than she is. (She asked what priest told me to say that--the one at our parish or in NYC). Next she went out to the store.
When she got back, she was angry again using the "I'm not perfect routine" and accusing me of just standing on the side ready to pounce when she falls. I said that's not true--and asked what are some of the things I can do to help. She said I should ask my counsellor at $125 (cheaper than her lawyer I might have noted )
She then closed with stating that she is great when I'm not around, but inferred that the very sight of me brings out the worst in her and the kids suffer from this dynamic. She did ask at one time how I intended to show my love for her (I forgot about my hug idea) and after thinking anything I said would be scoffed at, I asked what she would like me to do for her. She said this answer was pathetic and walked away. Ah. A day in the life, but a good step for me in DBing. If she keeps accusing me of being nice--I'll take that in her court affidavit!!!
Unless I come back tonight, this could be my last post for a few days. I won't have access to computer and maybe I can give myself a break. Later y'all.
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