Yeah, so i rethought the cancelling contract thing and i realised that what my WW was missing was discipline.

I recall the other stories here, where the soon to be WW or H in a subtle way warns the spouse that they are attracted to someone else, normally very subtlely. They say things like, "there's this pretty girl at work" or "there's a guy at work that all of the girls just think are a dish".
This made me think that they are trying to warn us, they were looking for some sort of discipline to keep them on the straight and narrow. But I fogged it off, the very first time.

So now my WW has licence to lose respect for me, our marriage and herself. I definitely do not think that this is about love, I think it's about discipline. But love is discipline.

So I confronted my WW right now. I asked her if she respected me, our marriage, her vows and the house that we built together. Because if she did, then she would not TM, call or email the OP (in front of me or at all), as it was being disrespectful. It immediately put her on a different sort of defensiveness. She needed to justify why she should keep contact, saying "he's not a threat, blah blah". I tell her that if she had any respect that she would delete him.

She then says she'll delete him entirely from the phone. She says that she's done so. Ten minutes later, her phone goes PING. Guess who it was. I confront her about her lies, she lied to me right now, to my face! She says that she cannot control the attraction to him. I say that you don't respect yourself or me to lie to me to my face. She actually deletes him and is now off to sleep.

I think that tough love is about taking control back from the S, and making the right decisions for them, otherwise they will be in limbo, and you, until YOU do.

I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, but I have confronted the most difficult issue. I suggest that anyone reading this try it to.

So now counselling on Tuesday will focus on why she has lost control and in turn her respect. But who knows what tomorrow will bring :-)

Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.