Hey Lovely Mu, Just wanted to pop in a let you know I was thinking about you. I'm sorry for the arm. Ciluzen's words are so beautiful. She is an extraordinary woman! I'm sorry I have nothing as warm and soulful to provide. You seem to be a good place. Lots of love JellyBXXX
Hi Jelly, It's nice to have you stop by. You support is appreciated, a gift is a gift regardless of what it is, it's the thought that counts. Roiste, thank you for sharing your thoughts on my situation. Both of yours support helps me cope.
I see that my path now is to play a support role in my children's lives. I no longer need to carry the torch and lead them through life. I will now follow their leads and support and advise them when needed. This is also the only role for me vis a vis my wife. As my wife follows her path I can only support and validate. This does not preclude me having GAL activities. It just how I will interact with her now. I hope to make the best of this situation and forge even stronger bonds with my children. After all, one can only have a relationship with someone who wants to have a relationship with you.
I am very grateful that I have a relationship with some of you here. It means a lot to me. I just wish people would not disappear but life is impermanence, life is change. Enjoy each moment because change is here. Peace
Right after I posted yesterday my wife came up for her morning coffee. She said responded to my "Good Morning" and made small talk as she made her coffee. I felt pleasantly uneasy about talking with her as she made her coffee but did not let on. When she finished making it I was about to get up from the table because this is when she takes her coffee and goes back to her room. She came over and sat down at the table and continued to talk. At this point I'm shocked and uneasy to why she is doing this. I keep repeating to myself validate, validate, validate. She is telling me about work, I'm telling her about mine. I keep validating. Eventually the conversation changes to her next business trip. She tells me she is going to take extra 4 days and visit a national park with her boss.
I am uneasy about this but say nothing. She works none stop with him, travels with him and holds him in high regard. I cannot do anything about it and have to trust my wife. We had a discussion a year ago in which we both agreed not to cheat on each other before a divorce. So I trust her. She felt very bad that she cheated in '08, how she never wanted to be that kind of woman. I am terrified but will face my fear. I will not make my fears compound the problem. It will be what it will be. Peace
Great job my friend. You are sticking to your principles and fighting those emotions. This is the practice that will lead to habit which will make permanent your character. That is some sound Dbing.
I am cheering for you here and looking to follow your example.
Thank you for sharing.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Good morning Mu, I have been "away" for reasons I can not explain on a public board, and I will probably disappear again for awhile. I am ok, just need to protect my privacy. I am sorry to hear about your arm, I hope it heals quickly. And your car project sounds exciting, I am glad you are finding some contentment.
Mu, I have been meditating, I am terrible at it, but it really is helping. I was able to read a book for fun, the first time since BD that I could actually focus long enough to get "absorbed" in a book, so that is progress.
Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and visit you, I miss you! I think about you often. It sounds like we are both still in a similar place, stuck and in limbo and not as detached as we should be. This is a long journey. So much longer than I would have imagined when I first started. I don't have much to say but I did want you to know that I am still here, and still your friend. I hope you are staying warm on this cold April weekend.
There is nothing I can say or do to change her mind. I am in tears. When my daughter gets home from college the end of next month we will tell the children. I said that she will have to take responsibility for wanting the divorce. I told her that I will tell the kids I want to work on it but she doesn't. She said okay.
Mutatio, I have nothing to offer but I will just say I have you in my thoughts.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
She seems to want to move forward with it. I asked her in a lot of different ways if there was any way we could try and she said no. She's done and that it. She said she would go to my IC with me once to help the IC help me work through it.
My wife said she does not forgive me for my behavior in the past. She said she can not put it behind her and is not interested in a relationship with me.
I am sorry you received this news. Some W's just are so set in their ways we cannot control them. We will just have to move forward and continue to be the best we can.
The better we get and the more we enjoy life the more attractive we will become.
Stay strong!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
