A lot happened in the last 12 hours. Much has been witnessed and said before--the last time being around Christmas/January.
W went out last night with SIL (her brother's W, a H.S. best friend, and someone who is not very happy with W) and friend from out of town. When she got home, she started crying and saying that I had won and she will stay in this M and be miserable for the rest of her life in order to satisfy everyone around her. She pulled out a woman's deviotional bible and said Jesus said W's must submit to their H's--so she was submittng to my control over her life. I said the Bible also says that H's must love their W's as Jesus loved the Church. W replied with anger, "What kind of love is that that?" She said she told me to get a counsellor months ago so she could "get the monkey off her back," but that I did not follow through (actually, I looked, but the C's I spoke to said if W was as angry as she is and just wanted to punch the clock--I should hold off; perhaps now is different). She then got on her cell phone with her sister and cried, and moaned outside for 1/2 hour before retiring.
This morning, it continued. I slept on the couch and she woke me up to say that I wasn't a bad person and that she understood the Bible and Jesus, but the life we lived was wrong and there was never any love. Basically--a rehashing of the mental annulment she has played out in her mind. She said that she did not know me--was "paranoid" that I had something up my sleeve to destroy her, and that it was my job to make it work--but I had not done that. And, she added for good measure, "Don't tell me that it's up to me as to what i should do and that it's my decision. I'm sick of hearing it. You show me how it can work and how we can love each other." She then said it was up to me to get a M counsellor to fix things, but that I had to set a deadline and it was all up to me to show how our M could be tolerable.
I said I know you don't feel it, but love is caring about you as much as anything else--and I'm committed to trying." She immediately responded, "Caring? What is that? Are you kidding me?" That's enough? She continually demanded, "What is your answer? What is your answer?" How are YOU going to fix this? I said I have no magic answer. (Note: next time I may say I pray to God every day to help me find the answer, but so far He has not yet revealed the answer to me, but i have faith that He will).
By this time, W was pursuing me out the door to work, saying we can't continue like this and that she had a better way (D). Since my "we need to work at it together approach" was going nowhere (same old stuff), I ended the convo by stating, "Look, I spoke to your attorney yesterday; your freedom is coming." Once again, perhaps not the best DBing, but my delicate way of saying you have to take owenrship of your own life--and I am looking at "her way." This is not all about me.
