For my Ws Bday I got a card for her from the kids and one from me. I also got simple decorative candles, one from each of the kids, and had each one give her a candle. Then I gave her my card and roses. She couldn't be upset by getting gifts from her own kids, so by the time I came in with the flowers, she was in a good mood.
She said she was glad I had gotten her flowers because OM had gotten her flowers too.
Our W anniversary wasn't so easy - I tried the same thing, without the gifts from the kids. Cards got thrown on the sofa table - I pulled the cards from MIL and my Mom out of the trash to display. They were all in the trash the next afternoon, but she didn't throw out the flowers. (no comments either, but she didn't pitch a fit)
What would you do for her if you had the R with her that you want? I doubt that is realistic right now, but at least start from there and tone it down. (or in my case up, since remembering bday and anniverary was a 180 for me )
As long as whatever you do is with honest intentions, God will Bless it. W probably won't let you see God's blessings, but they'll be there.
)
