My DB Coach told me the same thing about working full time. She said that guys that worked a lot of hours and paid all the bills felt that they did 'their part' in the relationship. But that it wasn't really doing things for their wife. She challenges them by asking "If you weren't married anymore, would you stop working?" Since the answer was no she claimed it didn't really count the way we think it does. She told me the same was true for stay at home moms. If they weren't M, would they stop taking care of the kids? Of course not. It's for the family, it's contributing, but it's not for your partner the same way.
Food for thought. I must admit that I have always thought and still think that taking care of the family is a way of showing love. But I understand that it's not the type of love xh understands, even if he had always been quick to get angry when things were not up to his standards.
I do, however, bristle at his suggestion that kid and I were financial burdens on him. Ever since I have gone back to work, I have paid for more than the fair share of bills. But I didnt keep score. Apparently, he did while ignoring my contributions. And misrepresented me to his folks. Which was why it hurt to the core when kid came back one day two months post BD and told me that TP was rich and she and xh shared their money.
Insert swear words here. Seriously, I think they meant sharing her late h's money equally. What I have got, I earned it myself. What she's got, the bulk of it came from the late h.
Okay, sorry for hijacking and venting.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
