14 days of sheer hell

[DDJ]

So I think that I let my W go yesterday. At least in my head, I feel like i'm not married anymore. I said it out loudly to someone yesterday and I felt nothing for it. My heart will catch up.

I even dreamt that I had let her go and had moved on (to a second marriage and was so in love with the new wife), but was nonetheless sad for seeing her leave my life.

I don't think that I want my WW back; she was never the cleanest, analytical or 100% in our relationship due to her always being withdrawn emotionally. Too many times i'd be alone, because she'd be passed out from too much liquor. That''s not the life i saw for me, that's not the life I want to have.

I want someone that will share their dreams, their feelings and their life with me. Not because it's something that they think they want, but because they have made a conscious choice to do it.

Two days to counselling... This has been the best roller-coaster ride ever, and i'm only at the start. I'm finding myself. And she's supposed to be the one that is lost.