My first post - please be nice.

[collin]

i guess this forum considers s*cks a cuss word and censors it...whoops...sorry about that.

[trumpet]

Hang in there, Collin. Lots of similarities in us.

I made plenty of mistakes in my marriage, including porn addiction.

My wife made plenty of them as well. The difference is how you're walking with God, and if you're humble in heart. Pride kills. It really does.

Never doubt the power of God putting people back together after they've fallen off the wall. It takes time. Chart the course of your ship to stay close to your priorities, and do the right things in your life to maintain healthy relationships, good boundaries, and a healthy lifestyle. Continue to work on only the things you have direct responsibility for - your actions, how you react to your feelings, and your boundaries.

Keep posting. I'll be here.

[Cherry]

Hey Collin, thought I'd swing by to offer support too. You are important, and you have a purpose. I know in the early days this is so so difficult. And you feel that just about anything that can take the pain away will help. My h had an affair, came back and now we find ourselves back here with him yet again checking out. The first time he came back he said my strength and seeing how I was still a great mom dil to his mom made him see what a great person I was. He also said that he began to see that I would actually leave him and that scared the sh** outta him.

My h too is really religious, but like sandi says there believes disappear. He believed it was all part of gods plan and would find any way to justify his behaviour.

They are purely acting upon emotions. Truth be told, they are incapable of a healthy r right now. Have you read the lighthouse story? Read it, several times a day. It helps. So do sandis rules.

I'm with you on the hurt, I come here and I vent. But I don't let him see me down, or hanging round like a lost soul. They need to see that you are a strong person. Worthy of love with or without them. Counter intuitive but it works.

Just don't let her get you down. Don't tell her you will change. She won't listen and she will see whatever you do as just a plan to get her back. Have a good think who you were when you met, what did you enjoy? Do these things. She needs to see you getting by. When you see her, be civil, friendly but not ott. Just appear content.

When you start to detach it gets easier. And I know, serious I do, how much this hurts. But this process can work. But you gotta start with you.

We're rooting for ya buddy! You can do this, you got it!!


This too shall pass.

[GWH]

collin,

Hang in there brother. This take time, and a lot of patience. Try to focus on you. Do things that make you happy. We are all here for you.

[collin]

man...these days tick by so quickly. hard to believe that it's been since last saturday when i posted last. but....things are hectic. i really don't know if things are getting better or worst. i'll just say what i know:

she is leasing a town home, her lease starts may 1. she said she contacted the leasing dept and told them the situation, that her and i are taking time apart and she doesn't want to get into anything long term because there is a chance of reconciling.

last weekend one of our dogs died. that night we sat on the couch and i held her and tried to comfort her. before bed she asked me if i would sleep in the bed with her and hold her. i did (nothing happened). a couple more times in the past week she asked me to sleep in the bed with her. still, nothing happened sexually.

the search history on her computer shows up on my phone. it's not because i am spying. her computer is chromebook and my phone is an android, so they are linked under the same username. anyways, this morning i saw she had been looking at daybeds. she asked me if i wanted to go with her to big lots after church. i told her i have no desire to go with you looking at furniture for your apartment. a few minutes later she texted me this:

"i really wish that you were selfless enough to put me ahead of you for once. i've been trying really hard to open myself back up to you so that we can start repairing us. we have a long road of work ahead of us and me having some space to make sure this is what's right is a part of that. i'm sorry you aren't supportive of that but you also made it this way. so for once put my needs first or things will never be resolved."

it's like a good news/bad news text. i admit she really has been opening herself back up to me. but i just really don't get her being upset with me that i didn't want to go looking at amenities for her town home with her. i love her but sometimes she just makes me want to bang my head against the wall.

i am going to try to go to counseling this week. she still is willing to go to counseling once she gets moved in to her town home. i guess in the mean time i'll go to marriage counseling myself. anyone ever done that? what did you talk about with your counselor?

aside from that. do ya'll have any input on my current situation and how i should maneuver during this time? any help is greatly appreciated.

[collin]

The more I think about it. The harder it is to believe that next month she'll be moved out. Last night she said she would take all the cooking stuff over to her place and I can come over there every night and eat. I'm thinking to myself, why even bother leaving?

I don't think there is anyone, I may just be blind and naive. I think she just wants to get away for a little while to, I don't know, re-examine life, maybe? The more I try to rationalize it the more upset and confused I get.

[collin]

I think it's awesome (*sarcasm*) that she feels like I give a dern about what her move-in day is and how much she has to do prior to her move-in day. Is she expecting a response? What the heck kind of response would she be looking for?

[collin]

Got a question. How much should I be interested in her new living arrangements. Everyday she asks me if I want to go see her new townhome. Everyday I say "No". Then she says something like "so you don't have any interest in where I'll be living?" and then she asks "when are you going to grow up?"

Am I doing something wrong? Should I be more invested? Or am I just living in denial?

[GWH]

collin,

Your doing the right thing by saying no brother.

[collin]

Thanks. Because it feels like I've done so much wrong is nice to have affirmation every once in a while.