Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[bttrfly]

Oh Mel, honey {{{hugs}}}
GREAT job standing up for yourself and your kids!

Mel, only you know what is right for your and your situation. We can all wish you the best, keep you in our prayers and give you the best advice we can, but truly, finding that calm place within will give you the answers you seek.
Easier said than done, I know.
I don't know what I would have done if I had physical evidence while we were still living together. I know I wouldn't have been as dignified as you were, that much I can guarantee. The Italian temper would have gotten the best of me.

If you're open to alternative health options, flower essences are great for this kind of trauma. They've saved my life in the past year, but they are not for everyone. There are also inexpensive white noise machines which sound like the ocean waves and that can sometimes help with sleep.

Right now I think the most important thing is for you to find a way to sleep and keep breathing through this. You don't have to do anything else today. Really basic caring for yourself. Once you have at least a bit of sleep under your belt you'll be able to be a bit more clear.

You are not a dummy! You are a vibrant, loving, loyal spouse who wants her marriage to work. Really take the time to try to figure out what you want, as others have said. I think it was KML who talked about what you would do if you were a grieving widow. That's great advice right there. Forget about your H.. He is in lalaland right now. Take care of yourself and the kids. My guess is the more your focus is on him, the better he likes it and feels like he can keep doing whatever he wants while keeping you dangling. Does he fish, by chance, cuz he's really working it to keep you where he wants you. The kicker: he's probably telling you the truth in each moment. That's how crazy they are.

Our job is to make sure we stay sane amid the crazy. Not. Easy.

So, try to get a bit more sleep and keep the focus squarely on you and the kids to the best of your ability.

xoxoxo
and I'm so sorry you are going through this!