the road goes ever on and on...

[Zues126]

Sunny, years may pass but we'll always share scaly tails. Lots going on, happy to provide an update!

Well, work is picking up. I have closed more deals in the last 3 weeks than in the prior 3 months. Phew! In the winter I was stressed about hitting goals, now I'm stressed about keeping up on the vast river of business flowing my way. Good problems to have. What's really cool, really, really, really cool...2 weeks ago my kids were on spring break and I had to work from home while I took care of them for two days. I was in the bedroom while they were in the living room. I closed 6 deals (half a month's work) in my bedroom, in between running out and making them sandwiches for lunch. I have closed two deals on the phone while driving them home, one the customer met me in the family room of my apartment while my kids were watching a move in the flat. The reason this is such a relief was that my 50% custody kicks in 6/1, and I have been stressed at how I'm going to do more pickup/dropoffs and still hit my goals. This was not only a huge week businesswise, but proved I can probably pull this off.

The big next step is finding a new place to live. My lease is up end of June, and I am determined to rent a house that has space for my kids, AND my pool table! My son is about to turn 12, my daughters are 9 and 5 (haven't updated my sig for a while), so they should have two bedrooms minimum, three if I'm lucky. They've been sharing ONE bedroom for over a year now, that can't go on. And Zues can't go on without a pool table. I need to have that cue in my hand. It makes me happy. I like playing poker and chess online, but pool is my game. Need the table set back up. So I've been starting to look. I put together a powerful coversheet that tells potential landlords about me- who I am, a little context on what I am looking for, where I am coming from, my job, my income, my credit, and just about me. It's pretty cool. Really anyone that gets to know me will see I stand apart from the mass of potential tenants. I think they'll be lucky to have me, just have to find someone with a space near my kids' schools. Man, it will be hard to be working full time and having to pick them up at different times at different schools. If I can get on their bus line that would be money. We shall see.

The good news is that my mother is a professor and off in the summers, so she'll be staying with me 3 months out of the year to help with the kids. When she has stayed with me over the past 18 months it is SUCH a help. Laundry now and then, cleaning, dishes. Watching kids for a bit here and there. It reminds me of how much easier it is when I had a partner. It's a great break. Plus the kids LOVE my mom, so it's a true win.

Pool and poker updates are trivial, I play good, I win a lot, it's fun. Nothing crazy. I'm sure once I have my table and my life settles down I'll compete in some bigger events, we'll see. For now just to stay competitive.

Divorce was final in December but the finances are still flopping around, I'm meeting with my lawyer on Tuesday to see if we can nail down a financial proposal. It's so stupid, I am working SO SO SO hard, full time plus, while taking on more and more with the kids, running around like crazy...XW still hasn't worked a day, she is taking 1 college class per semester, and is applying for student aid/government aid/maintenance/support/and every assistance under the planet. All while she lives in the house I bought. I don't wish her ill but things are so lopsided it's appalling. My mom gets upset and I just tell her "There's what is fair, and there is what I need. This is so far from fair that if you think about it you get ill, but instead I just count my blessings that I'll always have what I need". Because I'm so awesome at what I do, I'm a winning lottery ticket, I can start over and I'll be in a great spot in a few years anyway, that's how I roll...and even if I'm broke I've got the ability to appreciate what's around me. But I won't be, because I'm the gingerbread man. Anyway, trying to nail down finances pretty soon. That will be nice to put an end to these shenanigans, and to be done paying $1,000/month to my lawyer.

What's left? Me? Personally? Emotions? Well, I'm doing ok. Better than ever. I don't think it's that the D doesn't hurt anymore, but I think it hurt so bad for so long I am numb to it, and I'm free to enjoy my life now. I don't think I'll ever recover, but I do think that it won't hurt anymore either, if that makes sense. I hear about other people dating, gosh, I don't see how that's possible. See, when I think R, I think lifelong partnership with the mother of my kids, spending our lives together. I can't quite wrap my head around a stunt double that just jumps in and plays the role of W in one part of my life while I parent my children on the other half of my life. I'm not really comfortable with the idea of another woman being their 'mom', nor diverting time away from them right now. So no women in my future for a long time. But maybe in a year or two when things are stable, you never know. Point is though that I just don't think you can fill the hole from the D, ever. BUT- there is just so much to be appreciative of, I don't really care anymore. I'm happy.

Closing with my kids. It's so amazing. My time with them is awesome. Reading to them still. Playing music. Teaching them to do dishes and cook. Homework. Games. Chess. Walks. Movies. Projects for my s11 on his computer. Our time is priceless. It hurts I don't have them 50%, but < 2 months away, so read it and weep!

All in all Sunny, I'm super busy, but busy good, everything is good, when I'm with my kids it's great, I love my job, I love my hobbies, and I love the little bit of time I spend telling you about it all. Only thing missing is the alligators, most rental properties frown on those.

Still stalking you on your thread. It's tricky, once you get past BD you realize many of us don't have all that much in common once the crisis is over. But maybe that's the beauty of these forums. We get to meet all types of people and form some pretty powerful bonds that stretch across the years.

Hang in there everyone, it doesn't get better, but you stop caring and it then it sneaks up on you that it kinda does