My Lasik isn't until 12:30 so I am occupying my time here on the board to relieve minor anxiety. First, it seems that it would be a 180 next time she mockingly asks for to agree. What if you said in a really friendly or a flirtatious and upbeat tone, "Sure!" You might even add something like, "I always enjoyed our little romps!"...or however you would say it. I wonder if that would stop her cold in her tracks. What do you think?
As for the attorney and moving out dialogue, here's my take. If I were in this sitch, I would probably take the attitude that she is the one who wants a D so, therefore, she is the one that must do all of the work. That's what I did in my sitch. I would not be inclined to help the process along in any way shape or form. I would continue acting "as if" everything will work out. This was difficult and my H accused me of being delusional, but something worked in my sitch. Yes, she must come up with her "freedom" plan on her own. You don't have to be antagonistic about it and you don't have to throw it back into her face either. You can just wait and see what her atty says and what W comes up with. I think that, if it were me going into a meeting with atty, then I would probably take on a passive role. I would let him/her talk to me and I would not volunteer any assistance or information. If I were asked what I was planning to do, I would probably say either, "I don't know. I haven't thought about that yet." or "I am planning to work things out to avoid D." The "I don't know" response worked really well for me with my H. Whenever he would start questioning me about "my" D plans, I would just say, "I don't know" and he would usually move on to some other topic to argue. I always believed that this was imposed on me against my will and I didn't have to be an accomplice to his craziness. Yes, I had a "plan B" thought out, but he never knew about it. As far as H was concerned, I was living in a delusional fantasy that we weren't going to D. Well, that delusional fantasy became the reality, so don't give up, Merrick.
Oh, one last thing that I had to learn quickly and it made a difference for me. Check your pride at the door. Resist the urge to be defensive. If W says something that is clearly wrong, don't present your side of things. If you don't agree with it, you don't have to say anything...just don't contradict what she says. For example, if she says that you are a bad father for putting your kids through this, don't come up with a rebuttal about how D would be worse and here are all the examples of how you are a good father. When she is like this, I guarantee that ANYTHING that comes out of your mouth will be perceived as a fight against her. You can't logically reason with an unreasonable person. Try to let it go and she will perceive you to be less resistant and argumentative. I learned that all the eloquence in the world would not make a speck of difference in these sitchs. Logic is a foreign language to WAS. They are operating from an emotional position and words are absolutely meaningless.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
to agree. What if you said in a really friendly or a flirtatious and upbeat tone, "Sure!" You might even add something like, "I always enjoyed our little romps!"...or however you would say it. I wonder if that would stop her cold in her tracks. What do you think?
