DDJ, I commend you in how you took those difficult steps with your W.
I feel that the wayward woman is set apart from a WAW. She is a different breed, and the techniques the H needs to use is a tougher approach than perhaps a woman who left b/c she was abused. The wayward wife becomes a different person from the girl you married. She is not logical and nobody can reason with her. Her attitude is usually not good toward her H. A lot of resentment and disrespectful feelings for her H resides in the heart of a WW, perhaps a really long time before she acts out in rebellion.
I do not believe waywardness is a moment of weakness. Waywardness is born from the heart and continues to grow and worsen over time. You are among many H's who think their W feels guilty. I will not say she feels absolutely no guilt at all, however, the wayward wife really doesn't feel much guilt over her actions. She feels justified for her decisions. The WW blames her H for her unhappiness and for the decisions she's made. She will change friends, lie to her family, and try to convince anyone who will listen that her H is to blame for every problem in life.
The WW is completely self-centered. You have not met selfishness until you meet a WW. She will neglect her children, and some even give them up......just to have their wayward lifestyle.
You have the right mindset in using tough love. I think it has been that tough love that has caused her to hesitate in pulling the plug. But here's the problem.........you are in love with her. You want her now more than ever before. You want to believe she feels terrible for what she's done. You want to make excuses for her and say it was a moment of weakness. You love her and it's only natural to want to believe it. And, it's that same love that will blind you at times. I hope you will stick with the board and listen to those who are unbiased and who aren't in love with your W.
WW's are notorious for manipulating the H into doing or believing what she wants. So, please walk very carefully, b/c I doubt you are out of the woods yet.
And yes, you can be a wonderful asset in helping others. There are so man nice-guy type of men on the forum, who are scared to death to show tough love.
I hope you continue reading, and please post every chance you get. This is a very caring community, and I think you will get help as well as give it.
Your M can be saved. I once was a wayward wife. She can change. There is hope.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
