Good luck Christine! DBB, rememeber I told you that you were lucky W moved out!!! Brig-good advice. What made you stop being a pursuer?
I got a chance to try all this stuff again. About 3:30 a.m., W must have been tossing and turning because I woke up and looked at the clock. When she saw me stir, she launched a barrage with so much stuff that I couldn't possibly get it all down. The gist: * Do you like what you're doing to me and the kids? * You're doing the same thing. I've warned you what will happen if you don't do "x" (move out now) and you're doing it any way. * Would you like to ? (bitter tone). We never did that in the middle of the night like all normal couples. (I said no) Are you refusing me? (one-year refusal is grounds for NY). * But you're such a good H, father, and Christian that it doesn't matter and being a good Christian will make this work (saif mockingly). * Do you need to go downstairs and write this in your journal? * She added that I'm just waiting for her to crash so I can take the kids, and added once again that the blood will be on my hands.
I just withstood the barrage. I finally said, I wish you would stop saying I have a plot to take away the kids. You're their mother and I wouldn't want to do that. She replied, that's what you say to clear your conscience, but you'll do it anyway. But after that, she stopped.
The barrage continuued in the morning, where she said I was so selfish I could not look at how I was destroying the kids. She said I needed to set "THEM" free. In arguably poor DBing (although there really was little I could say that would not be met with resistance), I said 1) that while the current sitch was not good, the consequences of D for kids are not good either and I had to weigh that; 2) I reminded her of the numerous times she holds my "one" earlier swearing outburst over my head--when she says she never does it, and 3) I told her not to tell me how "I" feel (she often projects her thoughts of my feelings onto me).
Eventually, I just validated everything she said: Yes, I was selfish and didn't care about the kids (she then defended me and said this is not what she meant--I used; the term "killing" the kids--she said she never used that term). Yes, I was selfish in finding my own inner peace to continue on; Yes, I was selfish in trying to do the best I can within my convicions.
The one thing that stopped it all was my finally saying, "Look, I'm supposed to speak with your lawyer today. I'm doing what you asked me to do."
Clearly, she is scared out of her wits that I have a case against her if we get into a pitched legal battle--and she is lashing out like a caged animal. I'm trying my darndest to give her space, but I guess it's not enough. So much inside of me says get out of there--but so much else says that is not good either and feeds a bloodthirsty beast. Talking to Berto in DC about his W's manipulation also makes me additionally nervous.
I think my next approach after dealing with her attorney is to ask her, short of moving out right now, what steps I can take to give her the freedom she needs. Or I should just dump her demands back in her lap saying that I told her four months ago to present me her plan of freedom and I've still seen nothing yet. What else can i do?
? (bitter tone). We never did that in the middle of the night like all normal couples. (I said no) Are you refusing me? (one-year refusal is grounds for NY).
