Managed to pull myself together and go down to the room h and kid where in. I managed to fake a cheery expression and tone, appear cool, calm and collected and ask a q about kid. He even slightly managed a smile about something I said. I know not to read into it.

Felt like a nervous wreck all day waiting for the talk. It didn't happen. I know it's going to and I'm trying to calm myself by thinking it is going to happen, but it's out of my control. And what I CAN control is my behaviour, and how I answer these q's.

He has gone out with friends for the evening. Heard him on the phone to a male. So it's kind of validated as to his whereabouts. Possibly.

Going to try calm myself again and relax the best I can this evening. Enjoy manic toddlers excitable energy. And put him to bed. Count my blessings. Which is kid.

Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16