W was asleep when I got home last night, so that was a relief.
This morning, I couldn't find my work ID so I had to stick around for a while while searching. This led to several exchanges.
W pursued me again and disrobed in front of me saying this is all I wanted (I need an anti-blue pill ). I never looked (fool!) and kept my back to her. She followed me and said history was repeating itself with the walls. I said I felt “afraid” to talk to her. She acted stupified saying just because she's emotional, I can't shut her out. She said she was nice to me 95% of the time and when asking for an example, I cited her calling me an a$$hole at the restaurant with the kids. She denied it, but backtracked when I said she did and every kid heard her (not so good DBing--but some things can't slide). This led to the “perfection” routine (I only accept perfection) and a complaint that she needed me to take charge the way I did in the restaurant and never did for 14 years. I validated and said it was wrong to expect perfection. She said my words did not match my aciotns—and I said I’m sorry if I acted like I expected perfection, because no one is perfect. During this, I kept eye contact. It semed to defuse her somewhat.
On a final note, I thought about reply to her e-mails on Tuesday (the ILY day). Any thought on this reply, or should I just bag it?
I just had the opportunity to digest your e-mails from Tuesday and let me assure you, with the most sincere heart, that I too, want what is best for our kids. I wish there was an easy formula, but I have not found it yet. I do believe that my daily presence is a positive influence in their lives, but I also understand the irreplaceable role you play in their lives. For Godsake, you are their mother!!! No one can question your devotion, love, and commitment to their well-being. While we may not always agree on things, I certainly don't question your dedication to them. It also saddens me to think I'm viewed as having a plot to take them away from you--because that is among the last things I want.
One last thought. Before I left on Tuesday, you also said that I never say "I love you" anymore and could not remember the last time I said it. To be honest, I thought those would be the last words you would want to hear from me. I hope you know that regardless of what happens between us, you will always have a special place in my heart."
Final note: SIL called me in the morning to present the “move out” side of the equation. I told her I was not yet ready and why. I really need to stop talking to her family. RCIA tonight and W is out as well. Until later.
). I never looked (fool!) and kept my back to her. She followed me and said history was repeating itself with the walls. I said I felt “afraid” to talk to her. She acted stupified saying just because she's emotional, I can't shut her out. She said she was nice to me 95% of the time and when asking for an example, I cited her calling me an a$$hole at the restaurant with the kids. She denied it, but backtracked when I said she did and every kid heard her (not so good DBing--but some things can't slide). This led to the “perfection” routine (I only accept perfection) and a complaint that she needed me to take charge the way I did in the restaurant and never did for 14 years. I validated and said it was wrong to expect perfection. She said my words did not match my aciotns—and I said I’m sorry if I acted like I expected perfection, because no one is perfect. During this, I kept eye contact. It semed to defuse her somewhat.
