I think I managed to. But he will no doubt try today. I can't believe he actually felt we could go to a bar and do this. I feel he wanted to go, but also wanted to deliver this chat. By refusing, because let's face it who wants their heart broken in public. I feel I did a 180 at not jumping to his every request. But also laid a boundary that if he doesn't want me as a wife- he doesn't get me as a buddy to hang with.
The chat is inevitable, and I know that he wants to get this done with. I know he's going to bring out the trust thing and use this as ammunition for his decision. So how do I tackle this?
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thanks ddj for swinging by. I'll be sure to read your story. I think you're right, I think you're right. He has said things about being p****ed with himself, living with feeling s***t every day over what he did. I think that's why when I suggested he was up to something the other day he erupted and furiously denied this. I struggle l to see how this can be mended
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thank you. Positive thoughts are welcome. H is at home. I got up, made breakfast for me and kid and went out. It was so hard, but I don't want to be seen as around the home wallowing in self pity. No matter what, I need to hide tears and appear strong. Even if I cry in the shower, he isn't seeing these tears
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
So at home, h comes home. He says hello. I try and be cheery. Kids asleep so he sits eating whilst watching him. I guess I don't want to sit there like a spare part, so I do some jobs and leave the room.
I don't know if this is dbing, but I can't sit there looking like a lost soul with him. I have no appetite, and he's sat eating without a care in the world.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
You're staying strong. You're not being a doormat. You're not clinging. You're not being rude but are civil. Sweetheart, you're dbing.
Do you have any family or friends that you can lean on right now?
Surround yourself with people who love you.
As for the trust issue, you could very gently calmly but firmly state that you have boundaries to let you and h feel safe in the M.
Did you discuss about these boundaries when he first came back? If you did, reiterate them. If not, you may want to come up with some.
If he talks about feelings and opinions, validate. If he tries to bend the boundaries or gaslight you, state your boundaries firmly but gently and/ or ignore the gaslighting.
When my xh spewed, I realised that he feels better and more heard if I simply validated. I do not have to agree with him but I keep telling him I can understand how it would seem like that to him.
Maybe others can weigh in.
Don't let him take you to a bar. Choose somewhere that you feel safe. Maybe have someone watch S?
Rehearse mentally and steel yourself for this.
Praying for you.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I have family and some strong friends but I guess I'm embarrassed, and admitting to this makes me feel ashamed.
Our boundaries where to make communication key, and get to understand and adhere to each other's LL. For months I've been made a mockery of. Ignored, no affection, barely intimacy. And had him laugh and joke with others, and ignore me. His wife. And I mean blatant ignore. Not look at, not talk to.
I shall try to validate. I'll try to be calm, not cry. And not scream how he's made me feel. I'll accept my part, we haven't changed anything really from the other r before bd#1 but then he also didn't do any soul searching where I did. I addressed issues- and mostly stuck too them
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, choose a few select loved ones that will not judge you and lean on them. You need the support that you can get. And if they're pro-M, you could use them as sounding boards.
Your H sounds like he has major issues to deal with.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I think he is full of them. Many demons in his head. I keep preparing myself for the spew. That way, I know they are words he's said before. So therefore they cannot hurt me.
My MIL is such a great help right now. An absolute rock. I gave her the db book and told her to read it and get on board. And I have lovely friends I have spoken to. Some who say you're worth more- leave him. And those that are closest to me and know h say something isn't right and focus on me and how they can help me get strong.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
