New here

[Stormchaser]

If your wife is truly remorseful and you're working on fixing your R then you really do need to put it behind you. Now, the hardcore groups from some other sites will attack me for saying that. They would accuse me of rug sweeping. I'm not. What I'm doing is healing. Sitting around thinking about the things she said to AP during the A is not healing. That no longer matters in our lives. Once you forgive, you have to forget. If not then you'll never truly heal and the M probably won't last the long haul. For better, for worse. We've done a lot of worse in the last few years. I'm looking forward to better.

BTW, there are some other almost dangerous sites when it comes to fixing M's. Some of the hardcore people I talked about, remember that they're all divorced, extremely bitter, and live on those sites 24/7 pain shopping. Their first word to everyone coming there seeking help is "DIVORCE!!!" Stay away from them.

TxHubby, thank you so much. You've probably just saved me a heartload of trouble and more. Those other sites, I know them well, and they confuse me. One person told me to go "scorched earth" and tell everyone. Now, had I done that in the beginning, the devastation would've probably led my wife to suicide. When I mentioned that, one person said, "its not your fault they screwed around". I mean, this is the mother of my children, I don't want to be responsible for her death!!

The mind movies are bad enough without me adding to them actual facts. For all I know, the facts aren't even half as bad as what I think happened.

I don't wanna know. I just wanna move forward. I've spent too many weeks digging up dirt on the OM and his W - time that could've been spent constructively rebuilding my marriage.

I took a vow, like you, better or worse. Most of my family and friends are astounded I let her back in the house and want to work on the marriage. Screw them, I say, because they don't know her like I do. We will be celebrating nearly 30 years together as well. I'm in it to win it. She has shown remorse, and yeah, that rugsweeping comment always comes to mind. But is it, really? We've talked about it so many times, its annoying now. The word "affair" bothers me. Should I bring that up all the time? No. I can't keep opening up that wound daily, because they take too long.

The woman loves me. She knows she screwed up. She knows if it happens again, things will not be good. She initiated therapy, and is seeing changes in me that are positive. We are open in our communication in a way we haven't been in the last 25 years.

I think its worth the hard work.