My DB Coach told me the same thing about working full time. She said that guys that worked a lot of hours and paid all the bills felt that they did 'their part' in the relationship. But that it wasn't really doing things for their wife. She challenges them by asking "If you weren't married anymore, would you stop working?" Since the answer was no she claimed it didn't really count the way we think it does. She told me the same was true for stay at home moms. If they weren't M, would they stop taking care of the kids? Of course not. It's for the family, it's contributing, but it's not for your partner the same way.
Just trying to help bridge the gap. It's not always about effort. Little things that are missing can be big things, and big things aren't enough without the little things too. This is coming from a guy that pretty much thought working hard was doing my part.
I said that to H when he said his part was to work and provide. He worked hard and his job is his #1 priority (he has told me straight out that it is more important than our M) - and I said the same thing: He worked before we M, he's not going to stop now. He loves working because he gets great satisfaction from it. It's easier to do well at work than in a R, because the rules are much more straightforward.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
