Got myself up to date on your thread and there is lot to digest now.
First, I want to tell you something. My older kid - 21y old now - had many issues in elementary school. His teacher called me one day and asked me to maybe have him in some theater so he could use some of his energy and be calmer at school.
Later, the school placed him in a Gifted and Talented program and he would get out of normal classes to do some challenging English classes.
In middle school he was placed in advanced classes and kept his grades up, but he started having issues regarding his own self, he would feel insecure, different, and even tough he had many friends, he was a loner. Time went by and I decided to go to a psychologist and he was diagnosed with ADHD. He started counseling and was prescribed medication.
At the beginning of high school he was in football, band, and theater, along with advanced classes. It mascaraed his insecurities I guess. When he was in Junior year his body collapsed, the medications built up so much in his system that we almost lost him. I had a group of doctors telling me that they would do whatever necessary to bring him back but there was not much hope anymore. (He died three times right before my eyes).
Somehow they got him back and then he was tested with all machines known to man. All what they found is that his IQ was 176. He was then sent to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
He started medication and this was the biggest wrong turn we took. The medication drove him insane and he tried suicide a few times, ending up in a hospital with 24hours supervision for his own good.
After that, his psychiatrist was not sure anymore about Bipolar Disorder and started taking his meds slowly. We then decided to go to another doctor and get a second opinion.
The other psychiatrist did a set of tests and told us that his IQ is too high and he has PTSD from all the episodes of anger, self absorption, fear, criticism, anxiety, bullies, XH's outbursts of pure humiliation, and deep depression.
My son is getting a lot better with a PTSD treatment that focus on the movement of his eyes. It develops the brain and kind of adjust it so you will perceive all the stuff that happen around you in a different perspective.
He is being able to recognize his value, that the voices humiliating him are not there but just his own self addressing his traumas. The recognition of all this is turning the torture that he has been through into a more enjoyable day by day.
Why am I saying all this? Because you are a smart person, not only because you apply yourself, but because you were born wired that way (and you can't change that). Along the way you learned how capable you were and how far you could go.
Then life took a turn and what supposedly should be love, became a total hell in your life and the abuse you suffer was maybe bigger then the ones soldiers go through during war.
And I mean it, soldier prepare themselves somewhat for the worse, but you were not in booty camp to get married with XH.
Along the way you developed many things, many habits to protect yourself. Unfortunately, these habits are against yourself. Your brain is criticizing you all the time.
V is trying to get herself in a better place because she had a glimpse of light and she ran to it. You found that this is a better place to be, you started recognizing the extension of the abuse and the damage it has caused.
But V, for PTSD, unfortunately there are no good intentions that will cure it. There must be an appropriate treatment to get rid of most of it. Some people recover almost a 100% and some others are too far gone and even with treatment they will always have some permanent effects.
Have you considered looking into treatment just for the PTSD? It's effect will run with your brain wires like cholesterol to your heart. They will make you an eternal rollercoaster of feelings. You will always feel like you can totally have a hold on yourself. Consequently the fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, tiredness, loss... this will always be present. Maybe not all the time, but will come and go as it pleases and you will be never yourself.
V, if you were diagnosed with PTSD, please look for treatment for that purpose alone. Once you get that under control, and it may take more then a year, then it will make all easier to address some other issues. You will see everything will a new perspective, life won't be the same nightmare anymore. You will be free of fear once for all and all the other feelings that play along because you have PTSD in the first place, will be gone.
You will feel sad, angry, tired... but it won't be a battle against yourself anymore.
Sorry the long post, but I think it is important to have an opinion from someone that does not have PTSD but lives with a person that is suffering with this. It was always heartbreaking for me to see my son struggling so much within himself. I am finally seeing that there is a lot of hope and he is getting better.
Love you very much beautiful and strong lady V. Pink
PTSD affects those with high IQ most of all, it is something to do with the way the HPA axis works, there are lots of confusing anxiety with depression. Bi-polar meds are paradoxical with PTSD that's why there is often rediagnosis.
From that which you say about your S then I sense it is PTSD and not bi-polar. The best treatment for it is CBT and Havening. Talk therapy doesn't help much at all. I have had some good effects with Narp recovery too.
I am currently meditating and using intermittent rest periods.
He has my prayers and I am including him with others I know who have this. It can heal with truth and bravery.
I was offered Sexorat and decided not to use anything because of my previous cancer history.
Extreme self care is warranted.
My darling Pink, I will manage this, although it is very frightening.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Cold weather here in chicago...it actually snowed yesterday.
Hope you are getting some fresh air.
Hope things are getting a.bit lighter on your work front...i actually finished my taxes last night, have to write my uncle sam a nice check. I do not like tax season, it has been a loong time since i didnt at least come out even.
Just was thinking of you when i was going through all of my records and numbers.
Pink, I'm so sorry for what your son has gone through at such a young age! I have read about EMDR and the promising results with PTSD. I'm glad he's getting help that works finally.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Pink, I'm so sorry for what your son has gone through at such a young age! I have read about EMDR and the promising results with PTSD. I'm glad he's getting help that works finally.
Absolutely
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V. I get a great strength just from reading your posts. You have a strength that's admirable and I could use right now. And well done on the weight loss! Won't be long til those jeans are back on
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
