Welcome to limbo land

[JksD]

Don't let your H know that you're seeking legal advice and alternative accommodations. Never reveal more than what is necessary.

I wish I could give you better advice on how to deal with potential D talk. I svcked big time at that.

Off the cuff, I can only think of remaining detached, not pleading, not trying to convince him he's wrong and validating without saying he's right or you're wrong. Or vice versa.

But I guess you already knew all that.

Reasoning would probably be futile.

"I am sorry you feel this way"
"I can see how it might appear this way"
"I hear what you're saying and I respect your opinions. But I do not feel the same way"

Cherry, maybe you could look through the validation thread again?

I guess the trick is not to wear your heart on your sleeve while remaining empathetic? And also saying a lot but at the same time, saying very little?

And to remain neutral, calm, drink lots of stfu juices. Don't give him any ammunition to shoot you down with.

I know it's really easier said than done. I am after all, queen of foot in my mouth.

But you're strong and you have done this and succeeded once.

In the meantime, don't feel pressured to decide on what to do with this R yet.

[Cherry]

Thanks sotto. Yeah I guess ideally it would, to decrease disrupting our baby.

No I don't think I can help him in any way to d me.

That's true, if I suggest working on it he is going to think everything is fine. I have the advantage I guess of knowing what brought him back the last time. Being a good mom and seeing me get by was one. The other he said that he felt he was actually on the brink of loosing me and that scared him.

So plan tonight. I have no doubt he will probably coming home until late. I will eat at the normal time. Put baby to bed and have a movie night. I will not stay up to wait for him.

I feel like I've got to prepare for his next steps which are unpredictable and I have no doubt hurtful. I have a GAL trip to Paris soon which I'm not really feeling in this mood. I'll feel like a nervous wreck and worry about baby all the time

[Cherry]

Thanks jksd.

Yeah the validation thread is going to be a must read. It took a lot of practice last time and a lot of tongue biting.

I'm going to become a bit mysterious, whilst remaining the responsible parent. I wonder now if he only finished his last a because he got found out and it started getting complicated. But I guess that's when they learn the grass isn't greener

[Cherry]

So he came home and said we need to chat. I know it's going to be bd. He even asked if I wanted to take the chat to a bar so long as I could promise not to cry or make a scene.

Is he actually for real??

I declined the offer. But can't stop crying or take control knowing what's going to happen. I just don't feel equipped to deal with this

[J5K]

Cherry,

Be strong. Plan for the worst hope for the best. You can do this!

[Cherry]

Thank you for the kind words. Trying to read up and prepare myself.

[JksD]

(((Cherry)))

I wish i could smack your h for you.

[Cherry]

I wish you could too. I'm going absolutely mad with anxiety. Trying to prepare myself for the spew fest. But I feel he's catching me at a vulnerable time.

I put baby to bed and got in bed myself. But it's only a matter of time until he comes up to talk to me.

I know I need to validate. I know not to plead. But I feel getting to me when I feel like this and so vulnerable I just can't deal with it.

The way kid has been the past few days is not wanting to leave my side. Constant cuddles, and he's not particularly gone anywhere near h since he came home. Wouldn't even give him a kiss goodnight. So young but yet I feel like they know a lot and sense a lot. The mother in me just wants to protect.

I'm so tired, I haven't slept in days, I've barely eaten. I've just about survived every day

[JksD]

Cherry, if you're not feeling up to it at the moment, would it be possible to postpone the talk?

Set it for a time when you will feel more emotionally prepared and rested.

You're right. Kids can sense love and gravitate towards those who shlw them warmth
Your H is not in a state to shower your s with warmth.

[DDJ]

i've just read the original post, and i've just added my story this morning (waiting for moderation). And i believe that your S is really living with the guilt of an affair or an attraction to someone else.

the in and out dips are from realising what they have and then what they're losing; my S did not feel that she deserved it after what she did. so the only way to deal is to throw it away.

Try and open the right can of worms. Sandi's rules really work!