I got hold of a computer at our DC office and need to journal while this is still fresh. Thanks again for your comments. KAW--She simply knows I keep a journal (I mentioned it once before), but I never do it in front of her.
The wild ride continued this a.m. W went to the gym at 6 am and I had a Dr.'s appt before I left town--so I was home for breakfast.
I offered to make breakfast when W got back. She snapped, "I'll do it. Just because you're here doesn't mean I don't do my job."
She then pursued me into the bathroom and asked me what my "plot" was. She could "see my wheels spinning." Then she moved into the Stepford routine. Would you like a hug? Maybe we could ; we haven't tried that in a while. When the kids go, is that what you'd like to do?
I said, I don't think that's a good idea right now (Merrick--you idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ). She asked when it would be a good time; I gave bad answer: "I don't know if it ever will be."
A few minutes later in the kitchen, she said that it was "weird" to watch me put all the affection I don't have for her into the kids. She said that this show of affection was making the kids insecure because they never saw it before.
She then inquired about the journal. "What do you write? Where I go out? With whom? What time I come home? Do you write about when you go out--because I've kept a calendar of every game you went to. She then asked if I'd like to join her, the kids, and some neighbos in NYC for dinner next week on her birthday--unlike me, who bailed out on my B-day (wrong!).
As for the journa, I felt I had to say somenting and said I write about whatever is going on in my life and how I feel. She replied, "So you can use it against me." At this, I just walked away (not a 180) and she goes, "See. Your walking away proves you have a plot, because you won't face what I have to say.
(Btw, some of this was in front of our kids).
Before I left, she then asks how are we supposed to act in front of the kids--and added her complaint about my "mantra" if she's so unhappy...(I haven't said this in seven weeks).
Then she said the oddest thing:
"You never say, 'I love you.' You haven't said this since who knows when." She then went on to how bad this is for the kids.
THAT comment really came out of left field and threw me for a loop. A thaw? A hidden message? What gives? I just let it linger.
Alas, before I got on here I saw she sent me an e-mail saying she didn't want to give the kids a miserable family and if she "could decide" to change her feelings about the M, she would, but that's not possible. More of the same.
So. Another day in paradise, but I did get to walk through the Cherry Blossoms on Capitol Hill and will see some other old buddies tonight. We'll see what happens when I get back.
I don't have much time to visit elsewhere, but your still in my thoughts and prayers.
; we haven't tried that in a while. When the kids go, is that what you'd like to do?
