Baby steps

[Painter]

Zues, do you think anyone can cheat? Do you think we all have it in us, or is there a trait or conviction that makes some do it and others not?

I read in one book that friends have a lot of influence - far more people cheat if their friends don't condemn their actions.

Juju, I can so relate to everything you say, and agree with your observations - and I have all the same questions and no real answers.

I know why resentment has built up in my H and there was really not all that much I could do about it: He never shared what he felt or wanted. I remember asking him so often through the years, 'What do you think? What would you like? How do you feel about that?' and all I'd get was 'I don't know' or 'I don't care' or 'Whatever you want.'

Turns out he had preferences but didn't voice them, and now he is very resentful because he feels I ran everything and always got my way.

On the rare occassions he did have an opinion, I was probably not as careful as I could have been because I believed we could have a discussion about it, negotiate or find a compromise. Every time he didn't get his way completely, he saw it as a personal loss.

I didn't realize how fragile he was emotionally, and that's something I need to be aware of - my assumption that everyone is as assertive as I am.

It's funny, because before we got married, I told him: 'If we ever end up having serious problems, I think it will be due to your lack of assertiveness.' Almost prophetic.